I am normally someone who enjoys having music on.
The radio is nearly always on or there is music playing somewhere in the house or in the car. But quite frankly, these last few days it is really pi**ing me off.
It is not doing me any good at all...and I am sick of hearing songs about emotions. I was eternally grateful the other day when Thriller came on!
Can you tell that I am having a bad day? Did you know that there was a song called exactly that? Arggghhhhh!!!!
Can someone please sing about something else? Anything...mowing the lawn, unicorns, shopping in Tesco's....anything other than unrequited love or missing someone in the middle of the bloody night!
I have a good mind to complain to EMI, Virgin, the radio stations, or even worse start listening to the shipping forecast.
I am trying very hard to focus on my life, my needs and my hobbits...but Heart FM is not helping. Pathetic isn't it? I am even quite angry at my pathetic-ness, frustrated at my weakness and generally annoyed with myself for feeling this way. Other people go through far worse so why can't I get my head together?
My friends say that time is irrelevant. You either feel something for someone or you don't...no matter how long you have known them. But really? I could hit myself if I wasn't so useless.
My blog does help though. It is excellent therapy...writing my thoughts down helps process them, my conclusions however are not great so are probably not best written down here or I will have an avalanche of friends happy slapping me, whilst recording the beating on their mobiles to replay to me.
Maybe I should write my own damn songs and sing them to myself in the car? The only problem with that is there may be too many swear words in it for the hobbits to listen to!
Wednesday 31 October 2012
Show me the arse...
So apparently, I need to get on with what I am good at...wondering...I sincerely hope that I am also good at other things, but for the purpose of moving on and blogging, let us wonder together shall we?
I have a very good friend who is worried about her arse.
Really?
Yes, really. Most women do, but she is worried about it so much that it is playing on her mind with regards to her sex life.
I actually spent some time yesterday morning, groping her arse to get some sort of idea of what she was concerned about. Alas, she refused to show it to me, even though I showed her my cheeks in full bloom much to her horror and equal merriment.
I am not overly impressed with mine to be honest, however it does the job it needs to do...it provides me with a seat, it gives me something to hang my jeans on and gives me some shape...some may say too much shape.
Alas, as always I digress.
She is concerned so much about her arse that it is preventing her from experiencing a particular position with her fella that she rather enjoys. Now most of us have hang ups about parts of our bodies, but normally once the chips are down and the kit and the lights are off, you can normally get over it and go with the flow...however, alas she is deeply concerned about his thoughts on said posterior.
"He already knows what your arse looks like," I tell her while listening to her concerns and sweeping my kitchen floor...we roll like that...multi tasking I think they call it.
"No," She says horrified, "He has never seen it."
I roll back onto my feet, dustpan and brush in hand, "Of course he has bloody seen it. He may not have seen it naked, but he has seen it, he knows the size and he will have a pretty damn good idea of what it is like."
"No...he won't know, and I can't show it to him."
"Show it to me then."
She looks at me horrified, and mouths a silent, No.
"Oh for gods sake woman, just show me your arse, let's see what we are dealing with here."
She of course refuses...so while the hobbits are playing upstairs, I drop my trousers and moon at her...
She consequently falls into a fit of hysterics...well, I never said mine was great.
"It really is that easy babe, it doesn't matter. He really likes you, for who you are. He will know already what your arse is like and it is the whole package that is important."
She absolutely refuses to believe me, so while she is making the coffee I cop a feel against the kitchen work top, "Feels fairly solid to me, good shape...can't see the problem myself."
"What is it," she then asks me, "about men wanting to do it in that position?"
I shrug, "They don't want to look at your face?"
She looks at me seriously, "You are not helping."
"I don't bloody know, I am not a man...positioning, feelings...who knows...I'll ask my dad, he'll tell me."
So to my dad, or to any male who may read this...what is the answer to today's problem? Tell us, so that we can understand and perhaps appreciate the position somewhat more. Tell us if size matters...and tell us why in that position women pretty much have the added pleasure of...ahem..the extra noises.
I await your comments...
I have a very good friend who is worried about her arse.
Really?
Yes, really. Most women do, but she is worried about it so much that it is playing on her mind with regards to her sex life.
I actually spent some time yesterday morning, groping her arse to get some sort of idea of what she was concerned about. Alas, she refused to show it to me, even though I showed her my cheeks in full bloom much to her horror and equal merriment.
I am not overly impressed with mine to be honest, however it does the job it needs to do...it provides me with a seat, it gives me something to hang my jeans on and gives me some shape...some may say too much shape.
Alas, as always I digress.
She is concerned so much about her arse that it is preventing her from experiencing a particular position with her fella that she rather enjoys. Now most of us have hang ups about parts of our bodies, but normally once the chips are down and the kit and the lights are off, you can normally get over it and go with the flow...however, alas she is deeply concerned about his thoughts on said posterior.
"He already knows what your arse looks like," I tell her while listening to her concerns and sweeping my kitchen floor...we roll like that...multi tasking I think they call it.
"No," She says horrified, "He has never seen it."
I roll back onto my feet, dustpan and brush in hand, "Of course he has bloody seen it. He may not have seen it naked, but he has seen it, he knows the size and he will have a pretty damn good idea of what it is like."
"No...he won't know, and I can't show it to him."
"Show it to me then."
She looks at me horrified, and mouths a silent, No.
"Oh for gods sake woman, just show me your arse, let's see what we are dealing with here."
She of course refuses...so while the hobbits are playing upstairs, I drop my trousers and moon at her...
She consequently falls into a fit of hysterics...well, I never said mine was great.
"It really is that easy babe, it doesn't matter. He really likes you, for who you are. He will know already what your arse is like and it is the whole package that is important."
She absolutely refuses to believe me, so while she is making the coffee I cop a feel against the kitchen work top, "Feels fairly solid to me, good shape...can't see the problem myself."
"What is it," she then asks me, "about men wanting to do it in that position?"
I shrug, "They don't want to look at your face?"
She looks at me seriously, "You are not helping."
"I don't bloody know, I am not a man...positioning, feelings...who knows...I'll ask my dad, he'll tell me."
So to my dad, or to any male who may read this...what is the answer to today's problem? Tell us, so that we can understand and perhaps appreciate the position somewhat more. Tell us if size matters...and tell us why in that position women pretty much have the added pleasure of...ahem..the extra noises.
I await your comments...
Tuesday 30 October 2012
The power of me...now.
Recently I had a conversation with someone I was sat next to at a works do.
For some inexplicable reason we got onto the subject of past, present and future, and what he told me resounds with me today.
Drinking copious amounts of tea with B this afternoon, after facing the strenuous task of hobbit herding at McDonalds...I told her what this person had said to me.
Essentially his thoughts were that we spent too much time thinking and considering the past and the future, that we forget to just live in the now. That we don't appreciate what we have right in the moment and that we by-pass everything that is great and good now because we are too busy worrying about what was and what will be.
He then told me about a recent visit to his grandson who is five years old. As he saw him, he couldn't help but exclaim, "It is so lovely to see you, I have missed you so much. Have you missed me?"
His grandson innocently looked at him and said, "No grandpa, why would I miss you? You are here now."
This child wasn't looking at what was, or that his grandpa would be going away again but simply that he was with him now. How could he miss him? He was here in front of him.
I suppose for many of us this information is not that enlightening, but talking it through with B today it really brought it home to me how we waste time doing this. She agreed entirely and had her own example of how she has looked at her own children in that way.
When one says 'what will be, will be' it really is that ambiguous. Concentrate on the power of now, on what we can do in this very moment...achieve, live for, share...live each day not as if it could be your last, but to enjoy and realise what is happening now.
By doing this we actually experience our life as it is happening, rather than second guessing what may be around the corner. So some days may be painful, happy, sad, joyous...but to be the person that I want to be I have to experience them now, in the moment.
That is what empowerment really means to me. The power of me or you...right now.
For some inexplicable reason we got onto the subject of past, present and future, and what he told me resounds with me today.
Drinking copious amounts of tea with B this afternoon, after facing the strenuous task of hobbit herding at McDonalds...I told her what this person had said to me.
Essentially his thoughts were that we spent too much time thinking and considering the past and the future, that we forget to just live in the now. That we don't appreciate what we have right in the moment and that we by-pass everything that is great and good now because we are too busy worrying about what was and what will be.
He then told me about a recent visit to his grandson who is five years old. As he saw him, he couldn't help but exclaim, "It is so lovely to see you, I have missed you so much. Have you missed me?"
His grandson innocently looked at him and said, "No grandpa, why would I miss you? You are here now."
This child wasn't looking at what was, or that his grandpa would be going away again but simply that he was with him now. How could he miss him? He was here in front of him.
I suppose for many of us this information is not that enlightening, but talking it through with B today it really brought it home to me how we waste time doing this. She agreed entirely and had her own example of how she has looked at her own children in that way.
When one says 'what will be, will be' it really is that ambiguous. Concentrate on the power of now, on what we can do in this very moment...achieve, live for, share...live each day not as if it could be your last, but to enjoy and realise what is happening now.
By doing this we actually experience our life as it is happening, rather than second guessing what may be around the corner. So some days may be painful, happy, sad, joyous...but to be the person that I want to be I have to experience them now, in the moment.
That is what empowerment really means to me. The power of me or you...right now.
Getting through today...
I saw this today and wanted to share...
It struck a chord with me this morning and I am very lucky to have hugs on draft.
Last night I cuddled with Spider-Man for over an hour...how can that not make a girl feel better?
Do not fear; happier, normal blogs will resume soon. I am aware that my regular readers have no desire to read 'The year of being forty, including a miserable patch'....I will scare away the few readers I do have.
But once again, I have to thank those friends who have texted, WhatsApp'd me, Facebook messaged me, called me and turned up at my hectic house recently...one even folded my washing! You guys have listened to my ramblings and helped more than you know...and hey, it's not all about me.
It is about you guys too and I know I am incredibly lucky to have such great people around me.
I have to take three hobbits plus one to see Ronald McDonald later...that is bound to give me something else to focus on. We had planned a trip to Monkey Bizness today, but alas after the fiasco of the water pistol fight in the lounge yesterday that was cancelled.
My friend also has a date tonight and she always provides me with insightful inspiration...
So, the radio is on, (although I confess the damn subject matter could be much improved), the hobbits plus one have eaten their weight in eggy bread at the cafe at my house, and we will get through today.
It struck a chord with me this morning and I am very lucky to have hugs on draft.
Last night I cuddled with Spider-Man for over an hour...how can that not make a girl feel better?
Do not fear; happier, normal blogs will resume soon. I am aware that my regular readers have no desire to read 'The year of being forty, including a miserable patch'....I will scare away the few readers I do have.
But once again, I have to thank those friends who have texted, WhatsApp'd me, Facebook messaged me, called me and turned up at my hectic house recently...one even folded my washing! You guys have listened to my ramblings and helped more than you know...and hey, it's not all about me.
It is about you guys too and I know I am incredibly lucky to have such great people around me.
I have to take three hobbits plus one to see Ronald McDonald later...that is bound to give me something else to focus on. We had planned a trip to Monkey Bizness today, but alas after the fiasco of the water pistol fight in the lounge yesterday that was cancelled.
My friend also has a date tonight and she always provides me with insightful inspiration...
So, the radio is on, (although I confess the damn subject matter could be much improved), the hobbits plus one have eaten their weight in eggy bread at the cafe at my house, and we will get through today.
Monday 29 October 2012
Him...
There is a danger to wearing your heart on your sleeve and having a blog. The two don't generally mix well...however, this blog was meant to be about my journey for this year, and there is something that I have to write.
Some of my readers and all of my friends know that recently I met someone.
He is the type of person that brought light into a room, he to me, is beyond special and when I met him I instantly knew what real attraction felt like. My stomach dropped whenever I thought about him; he has warmth, charisma and intellect.
He has the capacity to reduce me to talking bo**ocks just by looking at me, and although the last three months of my life has had its ups and downs, it has been better with him in it.
Sadly he exited my life yesterday...for a while or forever I really don't know. But what I do know, is that forever feels too painful to contemplate.
I haven't really written about him to a great degree, partly because it felt too precious to share and partly in case he felt exposed. However, I know he no longer reads my blog so I feel safe that I can expose myself rather than him.
My heart aches this morning and I feel exhausted from the emotion of missing him. This is nothing new to anyone who has experienced a break up, but what is strange is that I have only known him for three months. The effect he has had on me is overwhelming because I can see how amazing he is, and how amazing it could have been.
I should explain that he has his own issues to deal with and if I believe what he tells me, he hasn't left because he can not stand to be with me anymore...that might be easier to deal with...but because he for his own reasons can not take himself down a relationship path at the moment, with ease and a relaxed mind.
So he has taken himself off to heal his own wounds, and deal with the things that he has to face alone rather than with me at his side. In effect he is being the strong one, although he always sees me as the strong person who organises her life and has the hobbits at school on time (albeit with jumpers covered in toothpaste). I would be the weaker one and want him to stay in my life.
When something like this happens, a break up that is not about hate or lack of affection, but more about circumstances that are out of our control then it is harder. I have no concept of whether or not he misses me, or has thought about me, or indeed whether he would want to come back.
How do I move on from that? If it had been about lack of attraction then I could face that, although it would be hard to accept because after all I am lovely (!)...but this is new, and I don't know how to process it.
I have to trust that everything will be as it should be. Perhaps I was only there to help him for a little while, or perhaps I am the one he will think about when he is feeling stronger again...alas, none of us can predict the future.
But whatever happens, I do wish him happiness. Because he deserves every bit of it...as do I.
Some of my readers and all of my friends know that recently I met someone.
He is the type of person that brought light into a room, he to me, is beyond special and when I met him I instantly knew what real attraction felt like. My stomach dropped whenever I thought about him; he has warmth, charisma and intellect.
He has the capacity to reduce me to talking bo**ocks just by looking at me, and although the last three months of my life has had its ups and downs, it has been better with him in it.
Sadly he exited my life yesterday...for a while or forever I really don't know. But what I do know, is that forever feels too painful to contemplate.
I haven't really written about him to a great degree, partly because it felt too precious to share and partly in case he felt exposed. However, I know he no longer reads my blog so I feel safe that I can expose myself rather than him.
My heart aches this morning and I feel exhausted from the emotion of missing him. This is nothing new to anyone who has experienced a break up, but what is strange is that I have only known him for three months. The effect he has had on me is overwhelming because I can see how amazing he is, and how amazing it could have been.
I should explain that he has his own issues to deal with and if I believe what he tells me, he hasn't left because he can not stand to be with me anymore...that might be easier to deal with...but because he for his own reasons can not take himself down a relationship path at the moment, with ease and a relaxed mind.
So he has taken himself off to heal his own wounds, and deal with the things that he has to face alone rather than with me at his side. In effect he is being the strong one, although he always sees me as the strong person who organises her life and has the hobbits at school on time (albeit with jumpers covered in toothpaste). I would be the weaker one and want him to stay in my life.
When something like this happens, a break up that is not about hate or lack of affection, but more about circumstances that are out of our control then it is harder. I have no concept of whether or not he misses me, or has thought about me, or indeed whether he would want to come back.
How do I move on from that? If it had been about lack of attraction then I could face that, although it would be hard to accept because after all I am lovely (!)...but this is new, and I don't know how to process it.
I have to trust that everything will be as it should be. Perhaps I was only there to help him for a little while, or perhaps I am the one he will think about when he is feeling stronger again...alas, none of us can predict the future.
But whatever happens, I do wish him happiness. Because he deserves every bit of it...as do I.
Sunday 28 October 2012
What will be, will be...
Once again I would like to say thank you to my friends.
They make any situation better and provide me with backbone to get through issues that cause me angst or pain. They are solid advisers and never fail to be there for me.
They remind me that there are some situations that I have no control over, that no matter how nice a person I may try to be I can not always make it better for someone else, and that there really does come a time when I have to put me first...however hard that is to do.
Today, such a situation came into my life and who helped me get through today? J and B pulled out all the stops and picked me up by the scruff of my hoodie and planted me back on my feet again. It is entirely possible they may be doing that for some time yet, (they have been warned,) and have already said they will do it for as long as is necessary.
The strength of my friendships never fail to amaze me.
Sometimes life gives you a bit of a smacker in the chops, just when you think it is all going so well, the laws of life say 'wait a minute, she is having an easy time here, let's provide her with a new challenge'. There is a part of me that thinks perhaps I deserve it, for some heinous act that I committed in the past, but a larger part of me just thinks it is bad timing, or bad luck.
Well whatever its background, wherever its origin, it still hurts.
It won't hurt forever. I know that. But for now, I understand the concept of time dragging its heels because today has been a very long drawn out day. I am grateful that the evening is finally drawing to a close and I can go to bed soon, put my head on the pillow and make out that it is all ok.
Because eventually, it will be...whatever the outcome.
Saturday 27 October 2012
Diva fit...
This morning I had a diva strop at about 10.43, in a lay-by at the side of the road.
It was not pretty, however was quickly calmed by a man in leathers and a bikers helmet.
If you didn't guess I have been out practicing on the bike this morning. It was completely awesome. However, my brain is over thinking what I need to do, clutch control, back brake, front brake, changing gear and cancelling my indicators...I feel like I am on Star Trek working out how to fly The Enterprise with lots of fiddly buttons and shiny lights.
Hence the diva fit.
Thankfully you'll be pleased to hear that I didn't throw my helmet or gloves to the ground, or indeed kick the bike in frustration. It is just so annoying that my hands and feet don't do what they are told, in the order that they are supposed to.
Luckily the guys at Bike Smart are as good as their name and are used to hissy fits and know what to say and how to help.
We paused for a breath and talked through that actually it was probably much like this when I first started driving a car. That I can not expect to get it perfect when I have only been riding for a total of about four hours.
We then got back on the bike and he told me to head on back. That was when it got better. I just relaxed, he never left me of course, but I knew the way back so just stopped over thinking what I needed to do and just did it. A much easier ride home.
I need to stop worrying about it, and just ride the damn bike! I think my next action plan is to go out for the day with the guys and boost that confidence just a little bit more.
They assure me at Bike Smart that I will get there, and if they have confidence in me then I have to believe them. They have, after all, seen plenty of Diva fits in their time...and they all got through.
It was not pretty, however was quickly calmed by a man in leathers and a bikers helmet.
If you didn't guess I have been out practicing on the bike this morning. It was completely awesome. However, my brain is over thinking what I need to do, clutch control, back brake, front brake, changing gear and cancelling my indicators...I feel like I am on Star Trek working out how to fly The Enterprise with lots of fiddly buttons and shiny lights.
Hence the diva fit.
Thankfully you'll be pleased to hear that I didn't throw my helmet or gloves to the ground, or indeed kick the bike in frustration. It is just so annoying that my hands and feet don't do what they are told, in the order that they are supposed to.
Luckily the guys at Bike Smart are as good as their name and are used to hissy fits and know what to say and how to help.
We paused for a breath and talked through that actually it was probably much like this when I first started driving a car. That I can not expect to get it perfect when I have only been riding for a total of about four hours.
We then got back on the bike and he told me to head on back. That was when it got better. I just relaxed, he never left me of course, but I knew the way back so just stopped over thinking what I needed to do and just did it. A much easier ride home.
I need to stop worrying about it, and just ride the damn bike! I think my next action plan is to go out for the day with the guys and boost that confidence just a little bit more.
They assure me at Bike Smart that I will get there, and if they have confidence in me then I have to believe them. They have, after all, seen plenty of Diva fits in their time...and they all got through.
Friday 26 October 2012
Drunk dancing...sober....
I have blitzed my house tonight.
I have moved hobbits around the house, and banned them from the room I have cleaned. They now have decided to say goodbye to the Lego room, and are now back in a room each. They even have permission forms on the bedroom doors that say who can and can't enter their bedrooms.
"Mummy is alout to clean the bedrmmms, F is alout to come to the bedrmmms and A is alout....'
Hobbit language is pretty damn cool.
I have also had a couple of visitors this evening where we have stayed off the wine for once, drunk tea and coffee and still managed to drunk dance (completely stone cold sober) in a very chilly garden to The Nolans, Spandau Ballet and Anita Ward to name but a few.
There is a video of J and C dancing to 'Save all your kisses for me' and alas a video of me dancing to 'I love to love'...thankfully we have enough on each other to ensure that these are never broadcast publicly.
Sometimes the best nights are spontaneous...
This evening I feel relaxed and chilled, and happy in the knowledge that my house is clean...until 7.30am at least. No one is awake to appreciate it except me and the hamster...but it feels good.
Roll on the weekend.
I have moved hobbits around the house, and banned them from the room I have cleaned. They now have decided to say goodbye to the Lego room, and are now back in a room each. They even have permission forms on the bedroom doors that say who can and can't enter their bedrooms.
"Mummy is alout to clean the bedrmmms, F is alout to come to the bedrmmms and A is alout....'
Hobbit language is pretty damn cool.
I have also had a couple of visitors this evening where we have stayed off the wine for once, drunk tea and coffee and still managed to drunk dance (completely stone cold sober) in a very chilly garden to The Nolans, Spandau Ballet and Anita Ward to name but a few.
There is a video of J and C dancing to 'Save all your kisses for me' and alas a video of me dancing to 'I love to love'...thankfully we have enough on each other to ensure that these are never broadcast publicly.
Sometimes the best nights are spontaneous...
This evening I feel relaxed and chilled, and happy in the knowledge that my house is clean...until 7.30am at least. No one is awake to appreciate it except me and the hamster...but it feels good.
Roll on the weekend.
Thursday 25 October 2012
Speed donating...
Well I have managed to achieve quite a bit today, you'll be pleased to hear.
I have managed to catch up with most of the paperwork I had pending, so my clients won't be disappointed when I turn up to meet them. I have also completed some more online coursework, I have washed the kitchen floor, I had a bit of a strop at lunchtime, of which I managed to get over with the support of a good friend, and I have donated blood tonight.
Busy huh?
The strop was inevitable to a degree, I think it was due and things are always so much easier once one has actually had the strop. Your mind is clearer, you realise the foolishness of the reason behind the strop and move on. The fact that my friend also verbally kicked my arse helped as well.
Blood donating was a little trickier. I had a small time frame as I had hobbits to pick up, so I booked an appointment so that I wouldn't be late. Alas, there was a lot of people donating tonight so I am totally unsure why there is a blood crisis at the moment.
It took forever to get through the process of whether or not I had slept with a man, who had also slept with another man who didn't wear a condom, or whether I had been to a country that had malaria in the last 6 months, (as if I could afford that) - anyway, eventually I drank my pint of water and settled down to pump some blood out.
My little window of time was closing fast...in fact I was down to my last ten minutes of having to pick up said hobbits, so it called for some serious wrist action. Discussing this with a fellow donator, (who strangely was a girl I went to school with many moons ago), we crossed and uncrossed legs in unison and squeezed buttocks with reverence in order not to faint after we'd left the donating bed...it became a mini competition and we speed donated.
I am very proud to tell you that I pumped out a pint of blood in 4minutes and 57 seconds.
Unfortunately, according to the carer who came to get my blood it wasn't the best time of the day but it was good enough to get a resounding cheer from all the other donators.
Ok, so that last bit didn't quite happen, but it sounded good didn't it?
So apart from my strop, I have done some good things today. I shall work on the stroppiness, it's not big and it is so not clever...and quite frankly I don't really enjoy doing it.
I shall concentrate on the good things instead.
I have managed to catch up with most of the paperwork I had pending, so my clients won't be disappointed when I turn up to meet them. I have also completed some more online coursework, I have washed the kitchen floor, I had a bit of a strop at lunchtime, of which I managed to get over with the support of a good friend, and I have donated blood tonight.
Busy huh?
The strop was inevitable to a degree, I think it was due and things are always so much easier once one has actually had the strop. Your mind is clearer, you realise the foolishness of the reason behind the strop and move on. The fact that my friend also verbally kicked my arse helped as well.
Blood donating was a little trickier. I had a small time frame as I had hobbits to pick up, so I booked an appointment so that I wouldn't be late. Alas, there was a lot of people donating tonight so I am totally unsure why there is a blood crisis at the moment.
It took forever to get through the process of whether or not I had slept with a man, who had also slept with another man who didn't wear a condom, or whether I had been to a country that had malaria in the last 6 months, (as if I could afford that) - anyway, eventually I drank my pint of water and settled down to pump some blood out.
My little window of time was closing fast...in fact I was down to my last ten minutes of having to pick up said hobbits, so it called for some serious wrist action. Discussing this with a fellow donator, (who strangely was a girl I went to school with many moons ago), we crossed and uncrossed legs in unison and squeezed buttocks with reverence in order not to faint after we'd left the donating bed...it became a mini competition and we speed donated.
I am very proud to tell you that I pumped out a pint of blood in 4minutes and 57 seconds.
Unfortunately, according to the carer who came to get my blood it wasn't the best time of the day but it was good enough to get a resounding cheer from all the other donators.
Ok, so that last bit didn't quite happen, but it sounded good didn't it?
So apart from my strop, I have done some good things today. I shall work on the stroppiness, it's not big and it is so not clever...and quite frankly I don't really enjoy doing it.
I shall concentrate on the good things instead.
Tuesday 23 October 2012
It all starts with a little pulling...
It appears that the more I talk about sex on my blog, the more interest I get. Strange huh?
Or is it? Is it that we are all just looking for some of the answers to some of these questions, and I am not the only person wondering?
There is so much yet to be uncovered, but of course I am dictated to by which conversation I have and who with. Some friends are very open about sex, whilst others less so...and they are all nervous about being written about and sent out in a blog.
I can assure all of you that it will always remain anonymous, but of course there is a chance that you may recognise yourself, or equally others may recognise you...it depends on who else you tell.
The closest I came to sex today...if you pardon the connotation behind that, was a subject about hair pulling at lunchtime today. You can tell I work very hard can't you?
Now, on immediate reflection, that doesn't say much about why it was a reference to sex...and initially it wasn't. My colleague found a book entitled, 'Help for Hair Pullers', and was more about a mental health condition where people repeatedly pull out their hair in response to stressful situations.
However, we as a team saw far more in it than that.
Thus the subject of having your hair pulled during
'the moment' ensued.
We were divided. Nobody actually knew why a man
would want to do that; some suggested that it was abusive
and degrading, whilst others felt that it was all about
passion and the excitement of said moment.
Can anybody tell me? I mean it is all very well blogging and wondering why these things happen, but nobody actually gives me any decent answers.
This is where Google becomes my best friend.
Hair pulling is allegedly about control and equally about passion. Apparently timing is important and you have to know how hard to pull...I mean it's no good scalping someone, not only is that painful it is highly unlikely that she will thank you or sleep with you again.
When I googled hair pulling during sex...because I am that literal in my searching, it also came up in a reference to an S&M forum...for beginners. So there is a suggestion that a man is controlling their partner, and that the partner is enjoying the control...or at least for the moment giving them self completely to that person.
So hair pulling is sexy, passionate, controlling but not for everyone. Apparently it also releases endorphins which makes an orgasm even more pleasurable.
.
In fact the S&M for beginners web page is very interesting...it may create a whole new blog of its very own or alternatively a new lifestyle.
Or is it? Is it that we are all just looking for some of the answers to some of these questions, and I am not the only person wondering?
There is so much yet to be uncovered, but of course I am dictated to by which conversation I have and who with. Some friends are very open about sex, whilst others less so...and they are all nervous about being written about and sent out in a blog.
I can assure all of you that it will always remain anonymous, but of course there is a chance that you may recognise yourself, or equally others may recognise you...it depends on who else you tell.
The closest I came to sex today...if you pardon the connotation behind that, was a subject about hair pulling at lunchtime today. You can tell I work very hard can't you?
Now, on immediate reflection, that doesn't say much about why it was a reference to sex...and initially it wasn't. My colleague found a book entitled, 'Help for Hair Pullers', and was more about a mental health condition where people repeatedly pull out their hair in response to stressful situations.
Thus the subject of having your hair pulled during
'the moment' ensued.
We were divided. Nobody actually knew why a man
would want to do that; some suggested that it was abusive
and degrading, whilst others felt that it was all about
passion and the excitement of said moment.
Can anybody tell me? I mean it is all very well blogging and wondering why these things happen, but nobody actually gives me any decent answers.
This is where Google becomes my best friend.
Hair pulling is allegedly about control and equally about passion. Apparently timing is important and you have to know how hard to pull...I mean it's no good scalping someone, not only is that painful it is highly unlikely that she will thank you or sleep with you again.
When I googled hair pulling during sex...because I am that literal in my searching, it also came up in a reference to an S&M forum...for beginners. So there is a suggestion that a man is controlling their partner, and that the partner is enjoying the control...or at least for the moment giving them self completely to that person.
So hair pulling is sexy, passionate, controlling but not for everyone. Apparently it also releases endorphins which makes an orgasm even more pleasurable.
.
In fact the S&M for beginners web page is very interesting...it may create a whole new blog of its very own or alternatively a new lifestyle.
Monday 22 October 2012
Make me scream baby!
During a random conversation with a friend today, the big 'O' raised it's head.
It popped easily into the conversation, reared it's exuberant head over the bedclothes and said, 'Talk about me on your blog today...I am good blog fodder, I make people feel good and should be part of a healthy regime of any man or woman.'
How can I disagree with that?
According to Woody Allen, we should start life backwards...start with death and end up as an orgasm. Sounds like a good way to live your life to me.
During our conversation, my friend boldy stated that she loves them; (couldn't argue with her there), that she needs them...and she is a screamer. I looked at her in awe, seriously, does the intensity of her orgasm really make her scream? Am I doing something wrong, as I don't think I have ever screamed?
Sadly there are occasions, I confess where I have barely let out a whimper so the thought of screaming is totally alien to me.
Am I a repressed woman, who needs to let out her inner sex goddess and let rip over 100 decibels? Are we all capable of reaching the dizzying heights of being heard in an 800 yards radius; or is it that come the revolution sister, we will be segregated into those who do and those who don't?
Do men ever scream I wonder? Can both parties reach the same vocal abilities, or do only women have this function?
Too many questions without answers.
It turns out that she has always been a screamer and her boyfriend has even resorted to covering her mouth during the moment. A most unfortunate image just manifested itself my mind.
So why do some women scream whilst others moan? Another friend of mine confessed to me that she screams like there is no tomorrow. She loses herself so completely that she can not help but scream out her partners name. Excuse me but that is some heavy shit happening there.
So orgasms...they make women scream, they help you burn off calories, they release happy chemicals and make us feel good...so why aren't we doing this all day every day?
Exactly says my friend. They should be part of our daily routine. Alone, together and in triplicate...
I think I could handle the daily regime...but the screaming? I shall leave it to those who can...
It popped easily into the conversation, reared it's exuberant head over the bedclothes and said, 'Talk about me on your blog today...I am good blog fodder, I make people feel good and should be part of a healthy regime of any man or woman.'
How can I disagree with that?
According to Woody Allen, we should start life backwards...start with death and end up as an orgasm. Sounds like a good way to live your life to me.
During our conversation, my friend boldy stated that she loves them; (couldn't argue with her there), that she needs them...and she is a screamer. I looked at her in awe, seriously, does the intensity of her orgasm really make her scream? Am I doing something wrong, as I don't think I have ever screamed?
Sadly there are occasions, I confess where I have barely let out a whimper so the thought of screaming is totally alien to me.
Am I a repressed woman, who needs to let out her inner sex goddess and let rip over 100 decibels? Are we all capable of reaching the dizzying heights of being heard in an 800 yards radius; or is it that come the revolution sister, we will be segregated into those who do and those who don't?
Do men ever scream I wonder? Can both parties reach the same vocal abilities, or do only women have this function?
Too many questions without answers.
It turns out that she has always been a screamer and her boyfriend has even resorted to covering her mouth during the moment. A most unfortunate image just manifested itself my mind.
So why do some women scream whilst others moan? Another friend of mine confessed to me that she screams like there is no tomorrow. She loses herself so completely that she can not help but scream out her partners name. Excuse me but that is some heavy shit happening there.
So orgasms...they make women scream, they help you burn off calories, they release happy chemicals and make us feel good...so why aren't we doing this all day every day?
Exactly says my friend. They should be part of our daily routine. Alone, together and in triplicate...
I think I could handle the daily regime...but the screaming? I shall leave it to those who can...
Friday 19 October 2012
Angry...
Tonight I have had a meltdown.
I have cried in anger, shouted in haste and hung up the telephone in exasperation.
It is not a good emotion...but I confess it felt good at the time, and was long overdue.
I suppose anger is like any emotion, there are occasions that it rears its ugly head and to quash it would only cause more angst and distress.
Without going into too much detail I had got to the point where someone else's expectation of what I should do for them, has exceeded what I felt that I was no longer responsible for. I am tired of the demands, I am tired of the need and I got pissed off.
You'll be pleased to hear that no hobbit was harmed during this session of aggression, and no anger was directed at any hobbit. It was directed at my soon to be ex, and the complete and utter frustration of his inability to take control and grow some cojones.
Too much information?
Perhaps. But this is my blog, my diary and my way to vent.
What do I have to do to make him realise that actually I don't have to do anything for him anymore? I am no longer responsible. I don't have to help anymore. Why oh why can't he work things out for himself? This of course, is the man who when he left asked me to book his flights as he couldn't do it!
I should expect no less really.
The trouble is, it actually goes against the grain for me not to help, but I don't want to anymore. I need to practice in the mirror saying a loud resounding, 'no'. It is no good for my health to continue in this way.
Does this make me into something that I am not?
A good friend of mine suggested, (in a nice way) that it is partly my fault. I have spent years making excuses for him, and years doing things for him so consequently he can not make any decisions himself, or find out any information for himself. But what sort of man does that make him?
How do I cut the ties so that he can go off and find his own path, without being a total and utter bitch?
The trouble is because of the frustration, a bitch is what I am becoming. I don't want to be, I never wanted to be...but anger keeps resurfacing, and he just doesn't get the message.
I have cried in anger, shouted in haste and hung up the telephone in exasperation.
It is not a good emotion...but I confess it felt good at the time, and was long overdue.
I suppose anger is like any emotion, there are occasions that it rears its ugly head and to quash it would only cause more angst and distress.
Without going into too much detail I had got to the point where someone else's expectation of what I should do for them, has exceeded what I felt that I was no longer responsible for. I am tired of the demands, I am tired of the need and I got pissed off.
You'll be pleased to hear that no hobbit was harmed during this session of aggression, and no anger was directed at any hobbit. It was directed at my soon to be ex, and the complete and utter frustration of his inability to take control and grow some cojones.
Too much information?
Perhaps. But this is my blog, my diary and my way to vent.
What do I have to do to make him realise that actually I don't have to do anything for him anymore? I am no longer responsible. I don't have to help anymore. Why oh why can't he work things out for himself? This of course, is the man who when he left asked me to book his flights as he couldn't do it!
I should expect no less really.
The trouble is, it actually goes against the grain for me not to help, but I don't want to anymore. I need to practice in the mirror saying a loud resounding, 'no'. It is no good for my health to continue in this way.
Does this make me into something that I am not?
A good friend of mine suggested, (in a nice way) that it is partly my fault. I have spent years making excuses for him, and years doing things for him so consequently he can not make any decisions himself, or find out any information for himself. But what sort of man does that make him?
How do I cut the ties so that he can go off and find his own path, without being a total and utter bitch?
The trouble is because of the frustration, a bitch is what I am becoming. I don't want to be, I never wanted to be...but anger keeps resurfacing, and he just doesn't get the message.
Thursday 18 October 2012
You just can't give him away...
A friend of mine has a liaison planned for Saturday night.
She has prepared the house so that it is spick and span...fixed the dodgy leg on the bed that was once propped up with books; put a new toilet seat on...in fact that house hasn't seen as much work done it since she first moved in.
The man is obviously worth all this housework and maintenance attention...the night planned must, and will go without a hitch.
Alas...there is one minor issue. Her sixteen year old son.
What do you do with a sixteen year old young man on a Saturday night?
She initially asked me if he could babysit for me, and I could go away for the night. Indeed he has babysat for me on several occasions and it is true that he is more than capable, and the hobbits love him.
Unfortunately I don't really have anywhere to go Saturday night, no pressing liaisons of my own, or secret rendezvous to attend to. Therefore, for once I don't need a babysitter.
Consequently it was hectic this morning, and we even effectively had a meeting about it this morning over coffee and other staff members to decide...what do we do with a sixteen year old so that he is not scarred for life having listened to his mother shagging all night?
I mean god if that isn't enough to send a young man off the rails I don't what would be!
At close of business today, we are no closer to an answer. We have texted, wassap'd, face booked and viber'd everyone we can think of who needs a reliable decent babysitter, but it turns out that no one needs one this Saturday.
I think she may be buying some serious headphones for her son in the morning...unless a miracle occurs.
She has prepared the house so that it is spick and span...fixed the dodgy leg on the bed that was once propped up with books; put a new toilet seat on...in fact that house hasn't seen as much work done it since she first moved in.
The man is obviously worth all this housework and maintenance attention...the night planned must, and will go without a hitch.
Alas...there is one minor issue. Her sixteen year old son.
What do you do with a sixteen year old young man on a Saturday night?
She initially asked me if he could babysit for me, and I could go away for the night. Indeed he has babysat for me on several occasions and it is true that he is more than capable, and the hobbits love him.
Unfortunately I don't really have anywhere to go Saturday night, no pressing liaisons of my own, or secret rendezvous to attend to. Therefore, for once I don't need a babysitter.
Consequently it was hectic this morning, and we even effectively had a meeting about it this morning over coffee and other staff members to decide...what do we do with a sixteen year old so that he is not scarred for life having listened to his mother shagging all night?
I mean god if that isn't enough to send a young man off the rails I don't what would be!
At close of business today, we are no closer to an answer. We have texted, wassap'd, face booked and viber'd everyone we can think of who needs a reliable decent babysitter, but it turns out that no one needs one this Saturday.
I think she may be buying some serious headphones for her son in the morning...unless a miracle occurs.
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Life is good...
It is amazing how things can change.
The beginning of this year I felt like I had no life in me. I didn't really know that at the time, but looking back I can see how I was just existing.
Heading towards our first Christmas with change in our family dynamics it really demonstrates how much we have moved on.
I know that there are other people who are making life changing decisions every day and sometimes they are not wanted or desired, but are accepted because of other people's life changing decisions. I just wanted to say that life really does get better...it really is what you make of it, and I know that my life is going to get even better in the future.
My mother said something significant the other day; she said to me that she was finally seeing her daughter back. Years ago, I had always been a happy, go lucky type of person who enjoyed life; she has witnessed the transformation from the last few years of looking strained and tired, pale and stressed. Now she sees a refreshed person, and she isn't the only person to comment that I look very different from just six months ago.
It is not just life situations that can change and improve how you feel, it is also the people in your life that make you feel better. I know I have talked about my wonderful friends many times on here, I have probably bored you all...but they are amazingly significant and I would never have got to where I am without them.
Friends pull you up by your boot straps when you need it; they bring wine, food and laughter back into your life when you are down, and they don't ask for anything in return. They will listen to the same story in order to help you heal, and they are pleased when actually you don't need them as much as you used to.
Don't get me wrong, we always need the friends that we choose...but there comes a time when walking alone is the better thing to do, rather than having someone to hold your hand across the road. My friends are respectful and proud of that, but I want them to know that I wouldn't now be walking taller, stronger and with a slight skip in my step if it wasn't for them.
Other people enter your life that become equally as important, but perhaps offer something that friends can not give you. After all, as much as I love my friends I am unsure whether they could provide me with a snog and a cuddle on a regular basis; and I am quite enjoying a snog and a cuddle with some regularity.
Life moves on, it changes...but as long as you have your friends, someone special for cuddles and it is good then you can accomplish anything. So working on that basis then, my future accomplishments hold no bounds.
The beginning of this year I felt like I had no life in me. I didn't really know that at the time, but looking back I can see how I was just existing.
Heading towards our first Christmas with change in our family dynamics it really demonstrates how much we have moved on.
I know that there are other people who are making life changing decisions every day and sometimes they are not wanted or desired, but are accepted because of other people's life changing decisions. I just wanted to say that life really does get better...it really is what you make of it, and I know that my life is going to get even better in the future.
My mother said something significant the other day; she said to me that she was finally seeing her daughter back. Years ago, I had always been a happy, go lucky type of person who enjoyed life; she has witnessed the transformation from the last few years of looking strained and tired, pale and stressed. Now she sees a refreshed person, and she isn't the only person to comment that I look very different from just six months ago.
It is not just life situations that can change and improve how you feel, it is also the people in your life that make you feel better. I know I have talked about my wonderful friends many times on here, I have probably bored you all...but they are amazingly significant and I would never have got to where I am without them.
Friends pull you up by your boot straps when you need it; they bring wine, food and laughter back into your life when you are down, and they don't ask for anything in return. They will listen to the same story in order to help you heal, and they are pleased when actually you don't need them as much as you used to.
Don't get me wrong, we always need the friends that we choose...but there comes a time when walking alone is the better thing to do, rather than having someone to hold your hand across the road. My friends are respectful and proud of that, but I want them to know that I wouldn't now be walking taller, stronger and with a slight skip in my step if it wasn't for them.
Other people enter your life that become equally as important, but perhaps offer something that friends can not give you. After all, as much as I love my friends I am unsure whether they could provide me with a snog and a cuddle on a regular basis; and I am quite enjoying a snog and a cuddle with some regularity.
Life moves on, it changes...but as long as you have your friends, someone special for cuddles and it is good then you can accomplish anything. So working on that basis then, my future accomplishments hold no bounds.
Monday 15 October 2012
Massaged by Superman...
My apologies but the blog this evening is a repeat subject. As I am sorry to inform you that this evenings blog comes from the comfort of my kitchen floor.
I can not move.
The hobbits have brought me my cold cup of tea and my iPad so that I do not need to move...because I really truly don't think I can...if I could reach my telephone I would call a nice fireman to come and assist me, do you think I could order one from the Internet from the iPad?
My muscles in my a**e are absolutely killing me!!! This exercise is going to be the death of me. I have just competed my plan for this evening, and after completing my ab crunches as the final part I have discovered that the coolness of the kitchen floor is looking quite attractive.
Without meaning to sound like a right old pervert, Superman has just rubbed my cheeks with vigour to see if that will ease any of the pain....alas to no avail.
I have now asked the hobbits for a blanket so that I can sleep here.
Honest to god...this is worse than childbirth and that is really saying something after spending 36 hours in labour in one pregnancy, and passing out after giving birth to twins on the second....OMFG!
Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!
The kitchen floor is not all that bad a place to sleep...however I can see all the Lego stuffed under the washing machine, and the dirt around the bin where the mop has missed it...so maybe it's not all that hygienic a place to sleep, but the blanket will keep me warm and protected from the spiders.
If I am not on the school run in the morning, someone come round and ease me off the floor with a crane...thanks.
I can not move.
The hobbits have brought me my cold cup of tea and my iPad so that I do not need to move...because I really truly don't think I can...if I could reach my telephone I would call a nice fireman to come and assist me, do you think I could order one from the Internet from the iPad?
My muscles in my a**e are absolutely killing me!!! This exercise is going to be the death of me. I have just competed my plan for this evening, and after completing my ab crunches as the final part I have discovered that the coolness of the kitchen floor is looking quite attractive.
Without meaning to sound like a right old pervert, Superman has just rubbed my cheeks with vigour to see if that will ease any of the pain....alas to no avail.
I have now asked the hobbits for a blanket so that I can sleep here.
Honest to god...this is worse than childbirth and that is really saying something after spending 36 hours in labour in one pregnancy, and passing out after giving birth to twins on the second....OMFG!
Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!
The kitchen floor is not all that bad a place to sleep...however I can see all the Lego stuffed under the washing machine, and the dirt around the bin where the mop has missed it...so maybe it's not all that hygienic a place to sleep, but the blanket will keep me warm and protected from the spiders.
If I am not on the school run in the morning, someone come round and ease me off the floor with a crane...thanks.
Sunday 14 October 2012
Discovering muscles...
After my personal training session and my exuberance yesterday, I have woken up this morning and discovered muscles that I had forgotten were there; and this morning they bloody hurt!!
My arms feel they have been beaten and my bum cheeks been pummelled by a hammer by some mad man during the night.
If only eh?
This is the bit that always puts me off exercise so I really have to push through this and keep going, but it is the pain in the beginning that makes me think, 'No, can't do anymore...must heal body'.
Any major fitness freaks out there reading this blog? Any advice you can give me?
I now have to get skipping and cycling, and I am nervous it will hurt my bum cheeks...or god forbid, make it worse...do I just push through the pain?
Something this painful just has to be worth it surely?
My arms feel they have been beaten and my bum cheeks been pummelled by a hammer by some mad man during the night.
If only eh?
This is the bit that always puts me off exercise so I really have to push through this and keep going, but it is the pain in the beginning that makes me think, 'No, can't do anymore...must heal body'.
Any major fitness freaks out there reading this blog? Any advice you can give me?
I now have to get skipping and cycling, and I am nervous it will hurt my bum cheeks...or god forbid, make it worse...do I just push through the pain?
Something this painful just has to be worth it surely?
Saturday 13 October 2012
The worst poker player in the village...
I have a friend who I have known for a few years now.
He, yes is a he, knows me very well. I met him when living abroad and he will recognise himself here I am sure.
As a friend, he has always been very supportive, wise and empowering. He, among other friends, has encouraged me to write, to be true to myself and be happy.
This friend is very special to me and will always have a place in my heart.
He has over the years listened to me about the state of my marriage. He never judged, he just listened and when necessary offered appropriate advice. He never told me to leave my husband, even though he probably knew how unhappy I was. He was just someone to support me, without recrimination and let me make my own conclusions and decisions.
He has also been there through the last few months, albeit through the wonder of Facebook, email and on at least one occasion calling me to make sure I was surviving just after my soon to be ex-husband left the country.
We do not have the pleasure of seeing each other very often, in fact I possibly haven't seen him for nearly three years now, but he is always there...and I want to say thank you to him. For the times he texted out of the blue because he instinctively knew something wasn't right; for encouraging me when I needed it and for never giving up on his belief in me.
I told you I was very lucky with my friends didn't I?
Yesterday he and I had a quick catch up...he noticed a difference in me immediately, and said that he could feel the sun shining through my messages. A very clear difference as to what I was like just six months ago.
We shot the breeze a while and I caught up him with recent events in my life... I tried very hard to be cool, calm and collected, but he saw through me straight away.
"You'll never make a poker player babe." He messaged me back. "LOL..."
He is of course right. I am a terrible liar and am no good at bluffing. I am a bit of an open book and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't always get it right, but I would rather fail or falter with honesty than with a lie.
So here in blog world I say a big thank you to him.
You do know who you are and it is possible that others may recognise you too. I only hope that I have been a good a friend to you as you have been to me, as I know it has been been one sided for a long time, and you have never made me feel bad about that.
Thankfully I am on the way up in a very positive way and whilst I won't need a shoulder to cry on I hope for a very long time to come, if at all, please always be in my life...because you really helped me get this far.
He, yes is a he, knows me very well. I met him when living abroad and he will recognise himself here I am sure.
As a friend, he has always been very supportive, wise and empowering. He, among other friends, has encouraged me to write, to be true to myself and be happy.
This friend is very special to me and will always have a place in my heart.
He has over the years listened to me about the state of my marriage. He never judged, he just listened and when necessary offered appropriate advice. He never told me to leave my husband, even though he probably knew how unhappy I was. He was just someone to support me, without recrimination and let me make my own conclusions and decisions.
He has also been there through the last few months, albeit through the wonder of Facebook, email and on at least one occasion calling me to make sure I was surviving just after my soon to be ex-husband left the country.
We do not have the pleasure of seeing each other very often, in fact I possibly haven't seen him for nearly three years now, but he is always there...and I want to say thank you to him. For the times he texted out of the blue because he instinctively knew something wasn't right; for encouraging me when I needed it and for never giving up on his belief in me.
I told you I was very lucky with my friends didn't I?
Yesterday he and I had a quick catch up...he noticed a difference in me immediately, and said that he could feel the sun shining through my messages. A very clear difference as to what I was like just six months ago.
We shot the breeze a while and I caught up him with recent events in my life... I tried very hard to be cool, calm and collected, but he saw through me straight away.
"You'll never make a poker player babe." He messaged me back. "LOL..."
He is of course right. I am a terrible liar and am no good at bluffing. I am a bit of an open book and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't always get it right, but I would rather fail or falter with honesty than with a lie.
So here in blog world I say a big thank you to him.
You do know who you are and it is possible that others may recognise you too. I only hope that I have been a good a friend to you as you have been to me, as I know it has been been one sided for a long time, and you have never made me feel bad about that.
Thankfully I am on the way up in a very positive way and whilst I won't need a shoulder to cry on I hope for a very long time to come, if at all, please always be in my life...because you really helped me get this far.
Bring it on...
Many of you are aware that I have embarked on a diet recently and being a determined bunny, this morning I had my first personal training session.
This essentially entailed me being pushed as far as I could go (pathetically by anyone else's standards), while my PT instructor laughed at my abilities to box and squat.
By the third circuit around the local park, I think I swore at him...gracefully he took it in good spirit but made me do extra work because of my foul language.
Note to self...pretend it's fun at all times.
To be fair to him, he was very good and kept it up for the appropriate pace for me. Yes, he did push me but he is supposed to and has now given me an exercise plan to complete daily or three times a week until I see him again.
He has warned me though, if I don't do it...he will make me work harder when I see him next time.
In all honesty, although it felt like I was at the point of collapsing in a heap this morning, it was actually really good fun and coming home it felt like I had some new motivation on my new diet and change of life.
I particularly loved the boxing. When I concentrated I didn't do too badly, especially if you really do imagine punching someone in the face...sod the exercise, great bloody therapy!
I would recommend it to anyone, and I hope that I get bitten by the exercise bug...as it has never bitten me before. However, I am now seeing the results of my weight loss so maybe if I work hard and see the results of doing the plank on a daily basis then maybe I will never look back.
Bring it on...
This essentially entailed me being pushed as far as I could go (pathetically by anyone else's standards), while my PT instructor laughed at my abilities to box and squat.
By the third circuit around the local park, I think I swore at him...gracefully he took it in good spirit but made me do extra work because of my foul language.
Note to self...pretend it's fun at all times.
To be fair to him, he was very good and kept it up for the appropriate pace for me. Yes, he did push me but he is supposed to and has now given me an exercise plan to complete daily or three times a week until I see him again.
He has warned me though, if I don't do it...he will make me work harder when I see him next time.
In all honesty, although it felt like I was at the point of collapsing in a heap this morning, it was actually really good fun and coming home it felt like I had some new motivation on my new diet and change of life.
I particularly loved the boxing. When I concentrated I didn't do too badly, especially if you really do imagine punching someone in the face...sod the exercise, great bloody therapy!
I would recommend it to anyone, and I hope that I get bitten by the exercise bug...as it has never bitten me before. However, I am now seeing the results of my weight loss so maybe if I work hard and see the results of doing the plank on a daily basis then maybe I will never look back.
Bring it on...
Friday 12 October 2012
Singing in the rain...
There is nearly always music playing on our house.
I generally prefer it more to watching television, so as a rule as soon as we arrive home the radio goes on, and I am normally found in the dining room, reading, blogging, or pretending to do some work so the hobbits don't steal the iPad from under my nose.
What I love most is the fact that the hobbits love music too. They love dancing with me in the privacy of our own home, although more reluctant when out and about...shy boys...really?
I am also quite chuffed to see them singing along to most of the words, not just to more recent songs but they are also quite adept at singing to Blondie, Bob Marley and Abba....their tastes are just as diverse as they can be. Superman loves Take That and Example, while Batman loves Lady Gaga and Spider-Man is rather fond of Bruno Mars and if you can believe it, 'video killed a radio star'!
This evening we have played on the Wii, to Dance 3...I have really enjoyed spending some silly time with the hobbits. It's a really nice way to end a hectic day on. I have to admit, I am very competitive and rarely let them win...in fact, never, but they are used to me now and cheer me on gracefully.
I hope you all have a lovely evening...I must go, as it's my turn on the Dance and I think it's Boney M next!
I generally prefer it more to watching television, so as a rule as soon as we arrive home the radio goes on, and I am normally found in the dining room, reading, blogging, or pretending to do some work so the hobbits don't steal the iPad from under my nose.
What I love most is the fact that the hobbits love music too. They love dancing with me in the privacy of our own home, although more reluctant when out and about...shy boys...really?
I am also quite chuffed to see them singing along to most of the words, not just to more recent songs but they are also quite adept at singing to Blondie, Bob Marley and Abba....their tastes are just as diverse as they can be. Superman loves Take That and Example, while Batman loves Lady Gaga and Spider-Man is rather fond of Bruno Mars and if you can believe it, 'video killed a radio star'!
This evening we have played on the Wii, to Dance 3...I have really enjoyed spending some silly time with the hobbits. It's a really nice way to end a hectic day on. I have to admit, I am very competitive and rarely let them win...in fact, never, but they are used to me now and cheer me on gracefully.
I hope you all have a lovely evening...I must go, as it's my turn on the Dance and I think it's Boney M next!
Thursday 11 October 2012
Helmet city...
Helmets.
Now surprisingly, this is not a euphemism. I know that most people would assume on my blog that it would be, but truly it isn't.
The eldest hobbit and I have been looking at Crash Helmets...or to coin a more politically correct term, safety helmet for when I am out and about on the motorbike.
My dad is going to treat me to a nice safety helmet as after all, it is probably inevitable that I will need one fairly soon...and a good chance that I may crash. In fact, co-workers have nicknamed me 'organ donor' since passing my CBT...bit harsh don't you think?
Anyhow, my lovely old man sent me a link for a company that sells safety helmets, and they really do have so many to choose from that I am going a little bit boggle eyed looking at them all.
There are full face, open face, flip up etc etc...and an abundance of colours. Elder hobbit has just spotted a purple and white striped one and exclaimed in excitement, 'oh mummy that is so you!'
The trouble is I think it makes me look like an extra from Power Rangers, which is probably the look he is trying to get me into.
If only I could fight the demons eh?
My friend has also commented on the fact that I keep looking wistfully at helmets (oo-er) and jackets and gloves...noting in a pointed way, that I currently don't have a bike.
Well, that is circumstantial surely? She suggested that I could buy all the gear and wander around town, arm tucked through my crash helmet just looking good...then get back into the car to drive home.
Well, small steps...I can't afford the bike yet, but I can afford the gloves...and I can thankfully hire a bike at any given stage, so for now I shall start to build up on the things that I do need.
My own bike is just around the corner I know.
Now surprisingly, this is not a euphemism. I know that most people would assume on my blog that it would be, but truly it isn't.
The eldest hobbit and I have been looking at Crash Helmets...or to coin a more politically correct term, safety helmet for when I am out and about on the motorbike.
My dad is going to treat me to a nice safety helmet as after all, it is probably inevitable that I will need one fairly soon...and a good chance that I may crash. In fact, co-workers have nicknamed me 'organ donor' since passing my CBT...bit harsh don't you think?
Anyhow, my lovely old man sent me a link for a company that sells safety helmets, and they really do have so many to choose from that I am going a little bit boggle eyed looking at them all.
There are full face, open face, flip up etc etc...and an abundance of colours. Elder hobbit has just spotted a purple and white striped one and exclaimed in excitement, 'oh mummy that is so you!'
The trouble is I think it makes me look like an extra from Power Rangers, which is probably the look he is trying to get me into.
If only I could fight the demons eh?
My friend has also commented on the fact that I keep looking wistfully at helmets (oo-er) and jackets and gloves...noting in a pointed way, that I currently don't have a bike.
Well, that is circumstantial surely? She suggested that I could buy all the gear and wander around town, arm tucked through my crash helmet just looking good...then get back into the car to drive home.
Well, small steps...I can't afford the bike yet, but I can afford the gloves...and I can thankfully hire a bike at any given stage, so for now I shall start to build up on the things that I do need.
My own bike is just around the corner I know.
Wednesday 10 October 2012
Men are from Mars...
"Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square,
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman, be like that?" Professor Higgins, My Fair Lady.
One of the biggest issues in our social world are the differences between the way men and women think and act. I know that this has been discussed by far more intelligent people than I, however it is an issue that has raised itself in a discussion between a friend of mine and myself today.
My friend has recently started dating someone and has on more than one occasion asked me if he is possibly thinking the same thing as her. Does he feel the same anxiety when he doesn't hear from her? Does he worry from any self esteem issue? Do men lie awake at night, pondering whether or not they were good enough, whether they smelt right, tasted alright...or whether or not the partner noticed that they farted during 'the moment'.
Do men even think about a prospective partner throughout the day? Do they wonder what they are doing, and do they play the same god awful mind games?
My friend torments herself and wonders whether or not he does the same? She doubts it, and quite frankly, so do I.
We have discussed how interesting it would be to change roles for a week, or even just a day to see what really goes through a man's mind.
I have been reading 'Sex, Love and Chocolate' and I am reliably informed that men don't think about any of those things, they don't care about your stretch marks, extra weight - but they do care if you have bad breath or fart...really? I find that very hard to believe.
Why can't a man think more like a women? That's the question. Why do men and women think so differently, and see relationships so differently...why is it all so complicated? Really, on paper...none it should work.
But it does. With effort from both sides.
My dad would say that communication is the key. You can overcome anything, if you are honest with each other and are always clear in what you need, desire or don't like. Then nothing is ever clouded.
So maybe men are from Mars and women are from Venus, however I understand that there is a good line in translation dictionary's on Amazon...so if we all just make an effort to understand each others language it might just help reduce our own anxiety's.
Blog dedicated to my friend...she knows who she is. X
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square,
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman, be like that?" Professor Higgins, My Fair Lady.
One of the biggest issues in our social world are the differences between the way men and women think and act. I know that this has been discussed by far more intelligent people than I, however it is an issue that has raised itself in a discussion between a friend of mine and myself today.
My friend has recently started dating someone and has on more than one occasion asked me if he is possibly thinking the same thing as her. Does he feel the same anxiety when he doesn't hear from her? Does he worry from any self esteem issue? Do men lie awake at night, pondering whether or not they were good enough, whether they smelt right, tasted alright...or whether or not the partner noticed that they farted during 'the moment'.
Do men even think about a prospective partner throughout the day? Do they wonder what they are doing, and do they play the same god awful mind games?
My friend torments herself and wonders whether or not he does the same? She doubts it, and quite frankly, so do I.
We have discussed how interesting it would be to change roles for a week, or even just a day to see what really goes through a man's mind.
I have been reading 'Sex, Love and Chocolate' and I am reliably informed that men don't think about any of those things, they don't care about your stretch marks, extra weight - but they do care if you have bad breath or fart...really? I find that very hard to believe.
Why can't a man think more like a women? That's the question. Why do men and women think so differently, and see relationships so differently...why is it all so complicated? Really, on paper...none it should work.
But it does. With effort from both sides.
My dad would say that communication is the key. You can overcome anything, if you are honest with each other and are always clear in what you need, desire or don't like. Then nothing is ever clouded.
So maybe men are from Mars and women are from Venus, however I understand that there is a good line in translation dictionary's on Amazon...so if we all just make an effort to understand each others language it might just help reduce our own anxiety's.
Blog dedicated to my friend...she knows who she is. X
Tuesday 9 October 2012
Feeding hobbits...
Ok, I am bored of food. No, really I am.
Essentially in myself I am quite content, but I am bored in trying to think of the dietary requirements that three young hobbits need to help them grow.
Is it just me? They are of course all different personalities, and consequently all like and hate different things. The amount of time I have spent an evening cooking three different meals just to placate the situation is tiring.
One loves fish but hates sausages, another loves shepherds pie but hates spaghetti, another loves pasta but hates rice...arggghhhhh!
My three little superheroes would live on a diet of chips and ham & cheese toasties if I allowed them to...topped off with a handful of Haribo mix.
How did it become so difficult to cater for them all?
People say to me, just give them the same thing - they will soon eat it if they are hungry, but my hobbits are as stubborn as their mother and will not give in just because they know there is nothing else.
I need some fresh ideas to try on them, so that I don't feel like I am catering for three different diets on a daily basis. I try talking to them about what they would like, so that I don't serve a meal up and hear at least one, 'ohhhhhh, I don't like mince/pasta/sausages' etc...
It is quite exhausting, especially when you think you have cooked them a nice healthy meal and they sniff at it like a cat does with a new and improved can of whiskers and looks at you disgusted.
Ideas anyone? Just to make feeding time with hobbits, just a tad less stressful?
This evening I have used bribery...I tend to use that a lot, does that make me a bad mother? I don't know for sure, but at least it gets a vegetable or two in them.
Essentially in myself I am quite content, but I am bored in trying to think of the dietary requirements that three young hobbits need to help them grow.
Is it just me? They are of course all different personalities, and consequently all like and hate different things. The amount of time I have spent an evening cooking three different meals just to placate the situation is tiring.
One loves fish but hates sausages, another loves shepherds pie but hates spaghetti, another loves pasta but hates rice...arggghhhhh!
My three little superheroes would live on a diet of chips and ham & cheese toasties if I allowed them to...topped off with a handful of Haribo mix.
How did it become so difficult to cater for them all?
People say to me, just give them the same thing - they will soon eat it if they are hungry, but my hobbits are as stubborn as their mother and will not give in just because they know there is nothing else.
I need some fresh ideas to try on them, so that I don't feel like I am catering for three different diets on a daily basis. I try talking to them about what they would like, so that I don't serve a meal up and hear at least one, 'ohhhhhh, I don't like mince/pasta/sausages' etc...
It is quite exhausting, especially when you think you have cooked them a nice healthy meal and they sniff at it like a cat does with a new and improved can of whiskers and looks at you disgusted.
Ideas anyone? Just to make feeding time with hobbits, just a tad less stressful?
This evening I have used bribery...I tend to use that a lot, does that make me a bad mother? I don't know for sure, but at least it gets a vegetable or two in them.
Monday 8 October 2012
Bitten...
I have been bitten by the bug.
It itches and I want to scratch it. I can feel it growing, and I want more.
I am referring of course to motor biking.
I have been out a couple of times now, and I am absolutely loving it. Now, if I can only be brave enough to go out on my own and go past 55 miles an hour then I will really be a biker.
The more times I go out, the more confident I will be. I can not wait to get out on my own bike and really feel the excitement of it all.
My list is really giving me a new zest...loving my year of being forty.
It itches and I want to scratch it. I can feel it growing, and I want more.
I am referring of course to motor biking.
I have been out a couple of times now, and I am absolutely loving it. Now, if I can only be brave enough to go out on my own and go past 55 miles an hour then I will really be a biker.
The more times I go out, the more confident I will be. I can not wait to get out on my own bike and really feel the excitement of it all.
My list is really giving me a new zest...loving my year of being forty.
Saturday 6 October 2012
Quality time...
I have enjoyed some time with the hobbits today...
Monday to Friday tends to be a bit of a blur to be honest; the school run, work, after school clubs, dinner and finally stories and bedtime...so the weekend does give us a chance to catch up with each other.
The weekend can get lost too sometimes, especially if I have a million jobs to do - however today we have been to the park, run off some steam, fallen in dirty puddles and come home covered in mud...sounds like perfect boys to me.
They are of course back to what they do best; arguing over the Wii...but do you know what? I don't think I would have them any other way.
Monday to Friday tends to be a bit of a blur to be honest; the school run, work, after school clubs, dinner and finally stories and bedtime...so the weekend does give us a chance to catch up with each other.
The weekend can get lost too sometimes, especially if I have a million jobs to do - however today we have been to the park, run off some steam, fallen in dirty puddles and come home covered in mud...sounds like perfect boys to me.
They are of course back to what they do best; arguing over the Wii...but do you know what? I don't think I would have them any other way.
Friday 5 October 2012
Status update...
Oh my god I am so tired.
I have managed to run on coffee and the energy of a five year old for too many weeks now, and in the last few days someone high up gave me a cold. It has knocked me for six today.
My body wants to sleep for days; my eyes are being held up by imaginary tooth picks like some dodgy cartoon character and I ache all over. My bed is calling my name softly, saying 'I am here for you, I am comfortable, warm and soft...come lie on me and snuggle under a duvet.'
Alas, I don't have time for that during the day, however tonight when all hobbits are asleep I am going to have a bath, then marinade myself with vapour rub in a very non-sexual way and sleep in the fumes...lucky I sleep alone isn't it?
The good thing is, besides all of that I am actually quite happy. Weird huh?
A friend of mine is going through a crisis in her relationship. She is describing similar feelings and thoughts that I was having two years ago and beyond. What she talks about are things that I can completely identify in what was my own marriage before, and it is only now that I can truly see the right decision that I made.
I can look back now, just simply six months on and notice how much happier I am in every single way. My life with the hobbits is better than it has ever been. We laugh more, go out more, share more and talk more...we have people in our lives that help us do this, but essentially we truly are better as a single parent make up than my ex-husband and I ever were as a couple.
I also have someone else in my life who is special. It is early days as they say, but I see in him more kindness, honesty and warmth than I ever seen in anyone in a very long time.
So despite the cold and the runny nose, I am happy. Despite the traumas of life and the hobbit arguments, I feel good and my glass is half full always.
I see now what I couldn't really see at the time. That I was giving someone else my life and they gave nothing back. It is truly fantastic to have my life back and do the things that make the hobbits and I content.
We will go from strength to strength...because we can and because we have great people around us that love us and want to see us do well.
Status update; Moved on and doing just fine.
I have managed to run on coffee and the energy of a five year old for too many weeks now, and in the last few days someone high up gave me a cold. It has knocked me for six today.
My body wants to sleep for days; my eyes are being held up by imaginary tooth picks like some dodgy cartoon character and I ache all over. My bed is calling my name softly, saying 'I am here for you, I am comfortable, warm and soft...come lie on me and snuggle under a duvet.'
Alas, I don't have time for that during the day, however tonight when all hobbits are asleep I am going to have a bath, then marinade myself with vapour rub in a very non-sexual way and sleep in the fumes...lucky I sleep alone isn't it?
The good thing is, besides all of that I am actually quite happy. Weird huh?
A friend of mine is going through a crisis in her relationship. She is describing similar feelings and thoughts that I was having two years ago and beyond. What she talks about are things that I can completely identify in what was my own marriage before, and it is only now that I can truly see the right decision that I made.
I can look back now, just simply six months on and notice how much happier I am in every single way. My life with the hobbits is better than it has ever been. We laugh more, go out more, share more and talk more...we have people in our lives that help us do this, but essentially we truly are better as a single parent make up than my ex-husband and I ever were as a couple.
I also have someone else in my life who is special. It is early days as they say, but I see in him more kindness, honesty and warmth than I ever seen in anyone in a very long time.
So despite the cold and the runny nose, I am happy. Despite the traumas of life and the hobbit arguments, I feel good and my glass is half full always.
I see now what I couldn't really see at the time. That I was giving someone else my life and they gave nothing back. It is truly fantastic to have my life back and do the things that make the hobbits and I content.
We will go from strength to strength...because we can and because we have great people around us that love us and want to see us do well.
Status update; Moved on and doing just fine.
Thursday 4 October 2012
Steamy windows...
A friend of mine recently found herself in a little bit of a predicament.
At the end of a very successful date, the very fine gentleman that she had spent a very enjoyable evening with and her, embarked on a little heavy petting.
Things got very steamy in the car park of a local establishment and one thing led to another, and before she could complete the desired reaction there was knock at the window of the car. My friend found herself unable to speak with her mouth full, so let her fine gentleman do the talking.
Now, this friend (and it really was a friend, it wasn't me I hasten to add...I am not that brave or daring.) She handled the situation in the only way she could; dabbed her mouth, smiled at the landlord, turned on the ignition...and sped out of the car park absolutely mortified.
Now to be fair she was in a well lit car park and I am not surprised that the landlord felt the need to rap his knuckles on her window - quite brave of him really - but it did bring up the question for me about what would happen if one did get carried away in a darkened place where you disturb no one.
I discovered to my horror, that any sexual act in a car is actually illegal.
I have recently spoken to a local policeman via his wife, (who will of course remain anonymous) and he informs me that if caught completing any sexual act in a car, you could be arrested on a charge of 'outraging public decency', or at least a fine.
Now my friend wasn't in Sainsbury's car park on a Saturday afternoon. It was late at night, there was no one else around - apart from the dodgy landlord - so was she doing something criminal?
Well, apparently yes...and according to the guy she is seeing he also thought there should be some sort of criminal element attached to it...she was that good!
There is however some good news...
phew say all students with a ford fiesta...
If you are in a place where no one is likely to see you, but the police do, the worst that is likely to happen is a knock on the window and a request to 'move along sir'...and no that wouldn't be a request to hurry up the action.
One thing my friend's police husband did let me know though, he has never been surprised by what he has encountered except for one evenings knock on a steamy windowed car; when the window wound down he discovered two young ladies in there.
Nice to know we are all the same really.
At the end of a very successful date, the very fine gentleman that she had spent a very enjoyable evening with and her, embarked on a little heavy petting.
Things got very steamy in the car park of a local establishment and one thing led to another, and before she could complete the desired reaction there was knock at the window of the car. My friend found herself unable to speak with her mouth full, so let her fine gentleman do the talking.
Now, this friend (and it really was a friend, it wasn't me I hasten to add...I am not that brave or daring.) She handled the situation in the only way she could; dabbed her mouth, smiled at the landlord, turned on the ignition...and sped out of the car park absolutely mortified.
Now to be fair she was in a well lit car park and I am not surprised that the landlord felt the need to rap his knuckles on her window - quite brave of him really - but it did bring up the question for me about what would happen if one did get carried away in a darkened place where you disturb no one.
I discovered to my horror, that any sexual act in a car is actually illegal.
I have recently spoken to a local policeman via his wife, (who will of course remain anonymous) and he informs me that if caught completing any sexual act in a car, you could be arrested on a charge of 'outraging public decency', or at least a fine.
Now my friend wasn't in Sainsbury's car park on a Saturday afternoon. It was late at night, there was no one else around - apart from the dodgy landlord - so was she doing something criminal?
Well, apparently yes...and according to the guy she is seeing he also thought there should be some sort of criminal element attached to it...she was that good!
There is however some good news...
phew say all students with a ford fiesta...
If you are in a place where no one is likely to see you, but the police do, the worst that is likely to happen is a knock on the window and a request to 'move along sir'...and no that wouldn't be a request to hurry up the action.
One thing my friend's police husband did let me know though, he has never been surprised by what he has encountered except for one evenings knock on a steamy windowed car; when the window wound down he discovered two young ladies in there.
Nice to know we are all the same really.
Tuesday 2 October 2012
Miracle day...
A wondrous thing happened in my house this morning.
The hobbits tidied and organised their Lego room without being asked, cajoled or bribed...I was initially quite concerned about the fact that these small people were tidying a toy room without being nagged profusely, but like the Elves and the shoemaker I embraced it and decided that I should see this phenomenon as the miracle it really was.
Furthermore...they have now eaten their dinner this evening without arguing, killing or fighting each other...do you think this is a sign of things to come? Do you think we are moving towards a sense of maturity and a kinder attitude?
No, me neither. A leopard rarely changes his spots.
Needless to say there have been other miracles today; their shoes were put away when they come home from school; bags were carried without the usual accompanying of whining...and today someone paid me a compliment.
Things are looking up.
The hobbits tidied and organised their Lego room without being asked, cajoled or bribed...I was initially quite concerned about the fact that these small people were tidying a toy room without being nagged profusely, but like the Elves and the shoemaker I embraced it and decided that I should see this phenomenon as the miracle it really was.
Furthermore...they have now eaten their dinner this evening without arguing, killing or fighting each other...do you think this is a sign of things to come? Do you think we are moving towards a sense of maturity and a kinder attitude?
No, me neither. A leopard rarely changes his spots.
Needless to say there have been other miracles today; their shoes were put away when they come home from school; bags were carried without the usual accompanying of whining...and today someone paid me a compliment.
Things are looking up.
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