The end of my tether is dangling nervously in front of me with frayed edges and a bottle of wine just within reach.
It has been a fraught week in the house of the hobbits; fraught hobbits equals a fraught hobbit mother, and for some reason this week has seen more bickering between three superheroes than normal.
To be fair in hobbit world, they have a lot to be dealing with at the moment. They have been introduced to their new teacher this week and the summer holidays are nearly here which means their trip to Spain to spend six weeks with their dad is just around the corner.
However I have had enough of the fighting, whinging, complaining, demanding and general unpleasantness. It is impossible for them to do anything this week unless I bribe, cajole or say it forty times.
"Clean your teeth, please"
"Put your school jumpers on, please"
"Eat your breakfast/dinner, please"
"Go to bed, pleeeeeeeeease!"
The excuses this week about going to bed have reached a new level, gone are the usual excuses, but suddenly I am left with guilt filling sentences such as;
"...I haven't done any homework!"
"I'm still hungry"
...and the strangest by a longshot..."my toenails are too long!"
After reassuring Batman that his talons would not grow to the the length of the bed by morning, I left them last night hoping and praying that they would actually stay in their beds and get some sleep.
When I finally went to bed a couple of hours later, the upstairs of the house looked like a student party had run through the bedrooms like a freight train. There were half naked bodies everywhere...all asleep. One in the playroom lying amongst the Lego; one on my bed making starshapes and one on the floor of their bedroom surrounded by colouring pens and drawings.
This is of course, kind of cute in a hobbit behaviour way - but it does remind you about how hard it is to raise a family, or make young hobbits into adult hobbits that Gandalf would be impressed with.
In conversation with work colleagues today I was amazed at how many people feel almost obligated to start procreating. There is still this pressure out there that once you have found a partner, got married or moved in with Bilbo Baggins then it's time to start thinking about having a hobbit baby.
I absolutely love my hobbits. They make me roar with laughter, they make me cry because I am proud to see them as a caterpillar on the stage, and they enrich my life...but it does completely change your life and I wouldn't recommended anyone having children unless you are really prepared for the life changing event it really is.
Try this little test...it may help you decide...
1) Clean all your windows until they are smear free. Then, go to the fridge, take out some margarine and then dipping your fingers in it make wipe marks and kiss marks all over them. Live with that until you can be arsed to do it all over again.
2) Take the biscuit barrel and turn it upside down on your new sofa. (to get the real effect this should be just after you have hoovered and cleaned up)- grind some into the carpet just for effect...again, leave.
3) Put on a old scratched CD, wait for it to get stuck, turn the sound up and make a phone call to a friend - you need the volume up just enough so you can just hear your friend, but not your own brain and thoughts.
4)Pick your nose, wipe it on the wall then forget about it...after some time it should just be hard enough for you to require a knife to scrape it off!
5) Ask your partner to pee on the toilet seat at some point during the day, so that when you go you'll have a cooled ammonia pool to sit in...
If you can do any of these without losing your cool, (or downing a bottle of wine in one go) then you can be a parent my son - but if any of them sound like your worst nightmare (and they are just the tip of the iceberg), then go with your first gut feeling of not having kids.
It's not a crime to not want children, and just because I love mine doesn't mean I don't ever find myself longing for the heady days of not being a mum.
I think one of the reasons I am as fraught as they are is because I am ready for a break. They will be leaving to go to Spain in ten days time, and as my lovely work colleague put it, this part before they go is akin to labour...you know you have to get through the worst bit of giving birth before you get your prize. So I have to grit my teeth for the next ten days, until I get my respite of peace and quiet.
Which will be heavenly...for a little while.
However I am fairly convinced that within just a few days I will be bored out of mind, and begging for them to come home.
2 comments:
This brings an whole new meaning to life begins at 40
Bilbo was just saying to me on the train how delightful the 2 kids singing "noah bites" (it's not a song, they were just singing those two words) all the way from Liverpool street to Colchester were and how we must procreate immediately.............not!
However, the hobbits are a delight & a credit to you ( but perhaps you should spend less time cleaning & more with the nail clippers?) xxx
Post a Comment