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Thursday 29 November 2012

A productive day...

My day has seen a successful case closed with a client, a wink and a smile from a chap in a coffee shop and the purchase of new shoes!!!!!

I am not entirely sure which one was most exhilarating...actually, I do...it was the shoes, but hey I still enjoyed the other parts.

This afternoon I had a final meeting with a client and just after the meeting we decided to go for a coffee to have a chat about the meeting, and to ensure she was happy with the result. She is a lovely young lady and it was nice to have the chance to just chat to her about general things rather than work.

Half way through our latte's she leans into me...
"Guy with the iPad, checking you out."
I look at her as though she has spoken Russian to me, with a Joey Barton accent..."huh?"
"Seriously, he hasn't stopped looking at you."
I look at her bemused and too frightened to turn around to check out the stalker at table ten, "really?" I am genuinely quite surprised. "He is more likely to be looking at you." I suggest.
"Uh huh, you."
I am a little shell shocked. Men don't do this anymore do they? I can not remember the last time someone without beer goggles gave me the eye anywhere, let alone on a cold afternoon in November.
Slowly, and trying ever so inconspicuously I turn round and catch the offending eye.

He winks at me and smiles.
Almost as quickly I whip back and look at my client who is laughing, "told ya."
"Oh my god did he just wink at me?" I say wide eyed, "who does that?"
"Clearly he does."

I am at a little of a loss to know how to respond...does one ignore such blatant flirting, remain coy or join in and flirt back? He is not bad looking, but hey that takes some kind of confidence to just wink and smile at a random woman in a coffee shop.
Maybe it is a nervous tick? Maybe he has Tourette's I reason.

Needless to say, being a strong, confident woman of forty I turned round...downed my latte, put my coat on, and as I passed him I gently smiled and acknowledged his wink and walked out the door.

I am such a wuss...my friend B will probably kill me when she finds out, but to be honest picking up strangers anywhere is not my bag, even though I can admit to the fact that it was a nice moment.

More importantly as we start walking down the road, we pass a well known branded shop here in the UK, and in the doorway are the most perfect, purple, suede shoes in the whole wide world ever...at half price.

OMG!!!!
I am instantly drooling at the window...and somehow I manage to put one foot in front of the other, go in, find my size, purchase them and walk out again without batting an eyelid. How did that happen?

They are simply perfect...even Superman agrees when I tried them on at home. Thankfully I have a purple dress to wear them with, however even if I hadn't I would have been quite happy to just have them, they are that perfect.  I am looking at them now, on the end of my feet with a smile on my face...they are even better than a wink from random male strangers.

So, all in all, a very productive day.

Wednesday 28 November 2012

Result!!!

The hobbits are hereby known as hoarders of crap

What is it about little boys that ensures that their bedrooms are covered in sweet wrappers, scraps of paper, bits of board games and tiny pieces of Lego?

I know I am complaining...but sheesh...how can they live in such tiny pig stys?

However, it isn't all bad news tonight...

I am very pleased and proud to inform you that my hobbits ate a whole meal this evening, with respect to each other, no shouting, used a knife and fork and in general behaved beautifully...I even recorded some of it I was so shocked.

A one point, one hobbit asked another hobbit, to please pass the ketchup.

I have died and gone to heaven...result!

Tuesday 27 November 2012

Less than we deserve...

My friend L rang me this evening with a question.

"Why is it," he asked "acceptable for a gay man to grab a woman's breast, but not a straight man? What is the difference?"

Hmmm...now I don't propose to know all the answers, and in fact most of the time I google any of my queries but I asked him to explain his situation/dilemma.

Apparently on the train on the way home, there were a group of girls with a young man who was clearly gay...maybe he had a t-shirt on proclaiming this fact, I really don't know and didn't dare ask. However, during a giggly session on the train this man felt the need to fondle another woman's breasts...which received giggles and general laughter, rather than a smack round the chops which would have been my preferred reaction.

Perhaps some women see this as acceptable, but I certainly don't. Perhaps because the guy involved isn't interested in women it is deemed ok to touch her there...however what the hell happened to self respect?

Am I old fashioned in the belief that this is still considered a part of your body that is private, intimate and only to be fondled by your partner or yourself?  I don't think I am, as my friend was fairly outraged by it too...hence the telephone call.

I suppose if you don't respect yourself, then who else will? If it is ok to allow anyone to do that to you, what does that say about the person themselves? If we allow people to walk all over us and treat us like doormats, then surely this says more about our own self esteem than who they are.

Even adults can be bullies...it doesn't stop at the playground.

Part of my journey has been about walking away from being treated with no respect; about gaining confidence in who I am as a person and realising that I am worthy of more. To be fair it has taken some time to realise that a doormat I will no longer be, and alas probably for these girls it will take time too.

But what I can do is ensure that the hobbits always treat other people with respect as they grow, and that I and they never allow others to treat us with less than we deserve.

Cultivating germs...

I apologise for the lack of blogging the last few days.

I can genuinely inform you that it was nothing to do with a recovery from the mum's night, which was by the way...excellent company; but more to do with laziness, lack of blog inspiration and a few germ filled hobbits.

The hobbits have been spluttering and coughing the last day or two, showing me that winter is really on its way.

So we have done a little bit of hibernating under duvets, watching films and some general cuddling and TLC...the definitive cure for a sniffly hobbit.

There is also the fact that I am a little blog uninspired...there is only so much you can write, about being under a duvet, listening to the rain outside and a hobbit coughing in your ear without boring the pants of regular readers.

So I vow to do a little better...I shall look today for some major blog inspiration; perhaps a tale of humour with a dash of cheekiness to get you through your day.

In the meantime, I shall pop some vitamin c and lemsip and hope that I don't fall foul to what the hobbits are germinating.

Friday 23 November 2012

Mum's night...

Ok tonight is our mum's night.

This is our evening where we get together at one of the mum's houses, eat, drink and be merry....especially Mrs Hammered! (You know who you are...) this is the night where we try and rock the house down and pretend that we are all eighteen over again...well at least til 10.30, as many of us have babies to get up to in the morning.

We try and do this about every two to three months, as sticking to every month became impossible with 8-10 mum's different schedules.

They are a great bunch, and I have been looking forward to this all week...bit of gossip, with probably  a lot of dirty laughing and nibbles! The only time we normally get a chance to chat is while passing each other in the school playground, while trying to have conversations with little people just before running off to work.

And the best bit of all is that it is all within walking distance this evening...so although I may be knackered by 10.30...at least I should have the pleasure of staggering home.

Thursday 22 November 2012

34 days...

Some of you may or may not like to know, that it is Christmas in 33 days.

Quite frankly I am dreading it.

I have had a foreboding feeling most of the week if I am honest, thinking that in just 34 days the hobbits will be off again to Spain.

They are of course, very excited about seeing their Spanish family again and their Dad, but I remember how awful the summer holiday was without them. It was, quite honestly, bloody torture.

This time it won't be as long as the hell of six weeks in the summer of 2012 and will be just twelve days, and of course people say to me, 'hey this is your time, your break from it all'. But to be honest, I don't need that long a break from them. The odd evening or weekend is just fine; anything longer than that makes me feel sick.

They may drive me a bit scatty at times with their constant demands...however, as I have mentioned before, not everyone sees the love they give and the warmth of just being with them is priceless.

So come Boxing Day we will be flying out again, and I will do a quick turn around and come back on the afternoon flight...on my own. (Insert violin music here and a vision of a sad Wondering Woman trudging back through baggage reclaim.)

I do, of course have my friends who will be supportive...but over Christmas everyone has things to do with their own families, so it is not always appropriate for me to hang around like a bad smell at their respective houses.

Maybe I should take a look a little holiday myself; last minute.com and backpack for a bit, bugger off to Scotland for Hogmanay (never visited Scotland before), or order my CD's into alphabetical order?

Anything that keeps me busy until the 7th January and they come home again.


Wednesday 21 November 2012

Coming in three's...

Well they say bad news comes in three's...and after a dead car and a dead hamster, today was the turn of the dead mobile phone.

How dependant are we on these little gadgets?
Initially I had just lost the signal, however it deteriorated from there...partly due to the fault of the twit I spoke to on Vodafone...oooo....can I name and shame on here?

Too late...I just did.

I only rang to ask if there was a problem with the service today and whether there had been any concerns about the general coverage. She informed me that there hadn't been, and then proceeded to take me through some tests which she sounded decidedly dodgy about and unsure herself, and before we know it my phone is now completely weirded out and has frozen.

Argh!! Talk about making a problem worse. She then suggested that there was a problem with my handset and perhaps I could try putting my SIM card in another mobile....er...I don't know many people who have two mobile telephones lying around, do you?

So after completely cocking up my mobile, she asks me if there is anything else she can do for me today? "Yes, actually."
"What would that be madam?"
"Actually fix the original problem, and then maybe find another job!"

Ok, so maybe I wasn't quite that arsey, but I bloody wanted to be.

So I take a trip to the Vodafone shop to get some one to one treatment. The manager of the store looks like she knows what she is doing, she talks like she knows what she is doing...but what she is actually doing doesn't resemble that.

She tries to look for my SIM card, and manages to break the volume button while doing so...she finally gets it back but in Safe Mode...so nothing new can download, and all recent contacts have been lost.
"I am sure it will work once it has been charged a bit." She says without conviction in her voice.
Really?

So I run back to the car, charge it for ten minutes, turn it on and off to try and get it out of safe mode, and guess what? It freezes with this lovely picture of a skull and cross bone on it...laughing! Not quite, but similar.

So I go back to Vodafone, and get to talk to Craig this time. Now Craig looks like he actually does know what he is doing, and he reboots my phone, tries to fix the volume button where Mrs Manager of the store has broken it and get's it out of safe mode. Yeah!!!

I have still lost most of my recent contacts, but someone informed me that if they wanted to call me then they would, however I am really not that popular and I wouldn't want to lose a friend because I haven't got their number to say, hi...alas, there is nothing I can do...

Except...write a snotty, annoyed email to Vodafone Customer Services for being inexperienced and inefficient. That will make me feel so much better.


Tuesday 20 November 2012

Just the two of us...

I have just had a very lovely evening with top hobbit, Spider-Man.

In order to help him get over the trauma of burying Jay in the garden this evening we have been to the cinema.

The burial was brief and we dug a small hole in the garden, gave him some tissue to keep him warm and tucked in the two pictures that they had drawn of them playing with him.  Spider-Man was very reluctant to look at him being laid to rest in the hole, Batman was completely fascinated while Superman just asked if we could get another one.

So we hugged each other and all said goodnight to Jay, our little pet and a stick marks the spot. Some people may think it is all a bit too much, but if it helps the hobbits process what has happened then I am all for it.

So after this the hobbits went to see B for a couple of hours, and me and my Spider-Man went off to see the new James Bond film. Just the two of us.

It is very rare for me to get to spend one to one time with any of the hobbits, and this evening Spider-Man and I cuddled in the cinema and ate popcorn...a perfect evening.

He did freak a bit when the possibility of some snogging arrived on the scene and he looked up at me in horror and asked, "They are not going to kiss are they?"
"I think it is possible, so I suggest you cover your eyes." I told him.
Of which he duly did.

For me the film was incredibly stressful, I mean how I will ever get the half naked images of Daniel Craig out of my mind before bedtime is a mystery alone...torture it was...agony.

So just me and the top hobbit this evening and we made the most of it, hopefully it won't be too long before we can do it again....especially if I get to watch Daniel Craig again!

Monday 19 November 2012

RIP Little Jay...

Ok the title gives it away a little, however today we have had a death in the family.

If you could just remove your hats and stand solemnly for a minute or so, and give our family hamster the respect it deserves.

Jay, our little brown, energetic, climb framing, Nintendo game playing hamster passed away today. It is a sad day, and Spider man was quite distraught when I broke the news to him. To be fair I will miss him a little myself, as during the summer holidays he was the only company I had on the nights I couldn't sleep...who will I talk to and pass the night away with when the hobbits go to Spain at Christmas?

Thankfully, for the hobbits, Fish & chips and chocolate has eased the pain a little bit and the thought that maybe, one day, we shall get another Jay.

God it really isn't easy dealing with a dead pet, no matter how small he is...and I have to say, I am really not that great at burying small furry creatures. It is the look on their little face that makes me a tad squeamish.

So I called for back up. Gallantly arrived my friend J, and after some advice from B about putting him in a box and adding a poem to the ceremony we decided that we had better remove him from where he was wedged behind his wheel.

Trouble is, I didn't have a shoe box...the only box I had that was big enough was a Nescafé latte sachet box. Initially I moved in, box in one hand and the other free to move the wheel.

OMG! He was as stiff as a board...why wasn't I expecting that?
"I can't do it!" I exclaim to J, "It is too freaky."
"Oh for gods sake, give me the box you wuss." So she takes the Nescafé box off me and bravely starts trying to roll him into the box. Alas, as she does so he falls out of the other end, and now no longer in his peaceful foetal position he is lying upside down, little legs akimbo.
"Oh crap, now he is looking at me!" I am getting really weirded out by this, "Poor little thing, I can't have him looking at me....I feel guilty."
"Now bloody get it together," says my friend. "The hobbits will be expecting a burial, and it's no good you bloody freaking out."
"Can't I just put him in the bin, and say he ran away?"
"No, for a start B will kill you. Putting him in the bin is hardly Eco friendly. Personally, I would lob him over the fence to next door neighbours garden, whilst singing 'Jerusalem'...but you have the hobbits and B to think about."
"Oh, bo**ocks." I mutter.
"Good luck," she says, "However, I am considering writing to Nescafé to tell them their boxes are useless...can't even hold a dead hamster...really?"

Billy Bragg sings Jerusalem

It takes me another hour or so before I can find enough courage to move his slowly decomposing body. Using a small spade and the box that their chicken nuggets came in from the fish and chip shop, I manage to settle him into his final resting place.

Individually, the hobbits have drawn a picture of them each playing with little Jay, and this has gone in the box with some bedding and some food for his journey. Strangely Batman is obsessed at looking at him...maybe he will be a vet?

After all this, it is now very cold and very dark outside...so the burial will have to wait until tomorrow, when poor little Jay will go back to the earth...and hobbits, and B will be happy that he is back in the circle of life.

That is until a cat digs him up.


Sunday 18 November 2012

Thank you...

I was a bit spoilt this weekend.

Not only did I get to spend some quality time with my old man and a friend, but I am also the proud owner of a new shiny (actually not that shiny) crash helmet.

It is truly beautiful....can a crash helmet be beautiful? In matt black, it even has a built in sun visor...yeah baby! It is bloody lovely....and I have my dad to thank for my early Christmas present.

Quite looking forward to my next ride out, purely for the fact that I can wear my sexy new gift...I may not have a bike yet, but I do at least have a vital piece of equipment towards my goal.

It was also great spending some time just chatting to my dad, who I have found his advice to be invaluable recently. We rarely get the chance to chat about everyday stuff and sometimes it is nice just to have someone else in the house...regardless of whether you are talking or just watching a bit of TV.

When I get a chance I shall post a picture of my new crash helmet...maybe even with me in it...

Thanks dad xx

Saturday 17 November 2012

Fanuary...

Well it appears that you can't keep a good blogger down...I may be overselling myself here, but just when I think there isn't anything for me to blog about, something presents itself.

There are many of you that will be familiar with the current trend of 'Movember'. For those of you that aren't, it is when clean shaven men take a month to grow a moustache in order to promote awareness about prostate cancer.

A very worthwhile cause...and I hesitantly admit that some women are doing it too...allegedly.

Come January, there will be a similar cause for women to promote women's health and knowledge about cervical and ovarian cancer, called Fanuary.

My friend J would like to do something for Fanuary and women can either shave, embrace the growth, have a unique design or vajazzle.

"Vajazzle." She says to us during a brief quiet moment at work yesterday. "I have given it some consideration, and I am going with vajazzling."
"Oh...k." Says our colleague. "Any particular style?" He asks.
"I'm not sure yet," she ponders, "I have been thinking about it though and I want to do something. What sort of glue do you think they use? I wouldn't want to be rolling around and it just come off...a bit of a waste don't you think?"
"Something stronger than Uhu," I suggest.
"Unibond" says our colleague, "or hard as nails perhaps?"
"Perhaps they can just brush you with glue, and you could roll in a glitter pot?" I remark.
"Yes, like some dodgy pre-schoolers artwork?" Says our colleague laughing.
"Before you know it, you could be covered in dried pasta bows and lentils?" I suggest, before our colleague adds "...and old milk bottle tops!"

The image of J's refinery being decorated in such a way is somewhat disconerting and before we know it we have regressed to a bunch of giggly kids discussing other suggestions, of pirate transfers, or fake tattoos or even star chart stickers.

However, no matter what J does to her minnie, at least she can be safe in the knowledge that it is for a good cause. Nevertheless, unless she flashes us or takes a photo, we have no way of knowing if her vajazzling even exists...




Wednesday 14 November 2012

Apologies...

Normal services to be resumed soon...






Brain, shhhh...I am trying to sleep...

Ok, so guess what happened to me this morning? I found myself awake on the wrong side of 4am...nice.

I am not totally sure why this is happening suddenly, I think my brain may be trying to reboot and kick start itself back into normal mode after recent events.

There is not one specific thing I can tell you that my brain is muttering about at this time of the morning, but it does feel that it is collectively sorting things, archiving and generally chatting to itself as one would do when doing the house work...or is that just me?

Brain to me; "Ok now we have to make lists..."
"Really? Now?" I say with one sleepy eye on the clock.
"Yes. There is stuff to do; hobbits at the dentist on thursday so you need to start getting anxious about that now; clear the back garden and take rubbish to the dump; ring him, her and the agent; remember the fairy cakes in the morning..."
"Oh, ok...right, got it."
"Archive this under A for achievements, that under C for crap and all of the other stuff under E for experience."
"Anything else?"
"Oh god yes, we will be here a while..so make yourself a cuppa while I carry on..."
I drag myself out of bed and walk staggering in the dark to the kitchen.
"Remember to blog about me as well, so you need to start thinking about what you are going to write." Says brain in a forthright manner.
"God you are so bossy."
"Well, someone needs to kick your arse..."

And it goes on...and it is that random, work, life, hobbits, school, Christmas, money...blah, blah, blah...I think my brain is sorting itself; that for recycling, that for rubbish, that for the fridge door so that I don't forget and all the rest of it can go in the 'that is life' filing section.

But why at 4am? It is so quiet in the house, I am concerned my brain will wake up a hobbit or two..why does it have to be at some ungodly hour, I have even tried asking it to reschedule with me later on in the morning, but it's having none of it.

So, I am resigned to having a meeting with my brain in the wee small hours. I have made myself another cup of tea, we have a note pad and pen and I will let my PA sort out my day, week and most probably my life. Once it feels that it is done nagging me...maybe it will be time to get up for work.

Tuesday 13 November 2012

What mummy needs...

Batman observes me yet again, washing up this evening.

"Mummy you really need a dishwasher."
"Tell me about it babe." I say with a sigh...
"Why don't you get one?" He suggests.
"Well, we don't have any room for one."

"Oh...ok." He accepts. "But you are Wonder Woman aren't you?"
We all have alter egos in this house, and this evening I do feel a bit like a multi tasking super-heroine, as I wash dishes after dinner, make packed lunches, make fairy cakes for the school tomorrow and blog at the same time.
"Yes, that's me."

"You should have a crown, like Wonder Woman mummy." Pipes up Spider-Man, "And an invisible plane."
"And gold on your arms for fighting." Says Batman.
"Oh I have an invisible plane, you just can't see it."
"...and a rope." Suggests my little superman.
"A rope?" I query.
"Yes, to tie up the bad people."
"Oh yes, Wonder Woman has a lasso doesn't she? Well, I have handcuffs to tie up the bad people, so I am all set there."

There is silence at the table while they consider this...probably hoping I won't use the handcuffs on them.

"Mummy, if you are Wonder Woman, do you know what else you need?" Says Batman.
"No, no idea..I think we have it all covered don't we? The plane, the golden arm cuffs, the rope?"
"You need Superman." He says matter of factly.

Hobbits know and are very, very wise....do you think Superman washes up?





Andy...

Ok, I have been awake since the early wee hours and I am bored, bored, bored.

So I do what everyone has been telling me to do, and I go on the dating website...just to see if anyone has sent me anything of interest.

I can't help it. It isn't really what I want, but I am going a little stir crazy...and after all it is just chatting.

I think I may just be the meanest person in the world, because among the messages I have received I have got one from Andy...and I can't help but want to share with you the content of his message.

Andy is 26. Kind of scary really that he would be looking at a profile of a 40 year old mum of three kids.... I can only imagine what was going through his mind. "Hey, I have my whole life ahead of me, I am young, good looking...no strings...let's go look for stress, anxiety and an older woman who has baggage.'

Hmmmm....

So, according to Andy I am simply hot stuff...wow, who knew...personally I think Andy needs to pop himself off to specsavers ASAP and in response to that there is only one word...really? (Insert raised eyebrow and mocking undertone.)

Shall I go on? Or do you already think that I am mean for mocking Andy, who is after all, a young lad just trying to make contact with members of the opposite sex...well, perhaps if you knew the rest of the message you might not be so scathing about me. Here it is in it's full glory...

Hi.....
I just viewed your profile and i like it. You are a very beautiful and gorgeous lady..and believe me your place is not here...at the way you look..WOW...i'm sure you can drives crazy hundreds of mens :).Your hot smile can thaw glaciers...and your eyes can tame wild animals for sure...You do not need social networks to find your half...i am sure you turn a lot of heads when you walk on the streets.
Why are you alone?Sorry for ask...but that guy who has lost you was crazy..and now is a big loser!!!
The next guy will have you will be more happy than anything... Honestly is one of the few times in my life when i would like to be a little bit older.
I know i am just a kid in front of you,and maybe you wished to hear this things from somebody close to your age...or maybe you are tired to hear hundreds of compliments daily.... By this reason i would like to accept my apologies,i didn't want to bother you...I only just could not stop myself to do not write you this message from all my soul.   
Thanks for reading,and wish you a great evening and a sunny weekend...if you wanna be friends,and chat i am free for you anytime.
Andy

Monday 12 November 2012

The mom song...

Some people judge us, this would be why we can, at times, lose our rag...it doesn't mean we love them less.

Take a moment to listen to this mom...

The mom song...

The fear of making soup...

Monday morning...ahh the joys.

This morning I awoke bleary eyed...not a good night sleep was had. It is so infuriating when that happens, lying in bed trying desperately to get back to sleep. So first stop after hobbit school drop off was COFFEE!!!

Ahh that's better...sets the world right all over again.

It has been a busy day in all, however I noticed when driving home that my car appears to be making a little noise...humming to itself from underneath. Hmmm...so I do what any single mum on a budget does, I turn the music up louder so I can't hear it. Problem solved!

Don't worry dad...I'll get it seen to...at some point.

So the subject of the day besides lack of sleep, coffee and poorly cars....is the fear of making soup.

I have a friend who has a beautiful kitchen. It is nicely decorated, has a lovely AGA, and is adorned with selective cookbooks and kitchen equipment. Nice huh?

Trouble is...she can't cook, or at least pretty much refuses to cook. She has her new fella coming over in a few weeks for dinner, so two of her other friends and I have been recruited to make the evening meal for her. But it has to look authentic.

"I have a plan," she says to me this morning as we walk up the stairs to the office. "The preparation of the evening has to look as though I actually did the cooking."
"Oh, ok. How exactly?"
"Well, I am considering having a smidgen of flour on my face just so it looks like I have been slaving  over a meal for him."
"Hmmmm, you don't think that might be too obvious. I don't know if there is actually any flour in the meal...what about some mash in your hair?" I suggest jokingly.
"Oh, yes that's better. Bit of mash, a recipe book out, throw the saucepan in the dishwasher etc, and have it going when he arrives."
By now we are in the office and our colleague is listening to this...
"Right," she says to him, "you are doing the soup, J is doing the main and wondering woman is making the dessert."
He turns to look at her, "I am not making the soup, I have given you the recipe. The fact that you are too lazy to peel a carrot is not my fault."
"No," she says, "I can't do it...it will be a disaster."
"Anyway," he says, "since when did you have a dishwasher, and why? You never cook anything."
She looks at him deadpan, "Cutlery." She states.
"Do you need that with MacDonalds then?"
I almost choke on my coffee and she gives me a look that suggests I will be buried six feet under if I don't stop sniggering.

The thing is, she could probably make a very good cook if she set her mind to it. She is actually quite a formidable woman, but we let our fears of what might happen, or might be, stand in our way.  Day to day we stop ourselves from being courageous, because of our irrational thought that the soup might be a disaster...when actually, does it matter?

I have thought about this a great deal today; When my fears have stopped me from doing what I want to achieve, or when I have prevented myself from taking a leap of faith...what have I missed out on?

Because on the other side of the coin, the times I have felt fear and actually gone ahead I have achieved some amazing things, and had some wonderful experiences.

So I have decided that perhaps it is time to embrace the fear more often and do it anyway...god knows I can always make more soup.





Sunday 11 November 2012

Gentlemen in training...

I despair of mealtimes on occasion...I really do.

It is not always a disaster, but there are times when it feels like a free for all and the constant chatter, up and down from the table, using fingers to pick up a roast potato and general bad behaviour makes me want to cry.

It is because there are three. I know that. Because one on their own, or even two makes a huge difference...but when there are three the hobbits wind each other up, making faces, laughing at blowing bubbles in their drink and generally sporting un gentlemanly behaviour.

So I have set them a challenge, of which they have accepted.

I have told them I will take them out for dinner in a restaurant, if they can improve on their table manners. If they can show me how to use a knife and fork, if they can show me how nice they can be, if they can go a mealtime without burping, farting or dare I say it...regurgitating anything, then I will take my boys somewhere to eat...just the four of us.

Brave? You betcha! But something just has to give, as I am tired of the bickering and general St Trinian like behaviour every time we sit down for a meal.

So making hobbits into gentlemen...I am not sure who is facing the highest challenge?

Saturday 10 November 2012

Balaclava...

I am just on my way out of the door...cos a girl has just 'Gotta dance!'

So I am all ready for a night out on the town...however as I was putting my make up I think I may have noticed...the start of a moustache!!!!!!

I am horrified! No wonder I repel the opposite sex!!

I have asked the hobbits, and I have accosted my babysitter as he walked in..."Tell me, honestly, do you see a 'tache?"
He looks at me oddly, "No..."
"Oh my god, there is one there isn't there? It's ok, I can take it...I am forty, it is all downhill from here isn't it?"
Again he looks at me oddly, "Want me to find some wax and whip it off?"
"So there is one? Oh god, I shall have to hide in a darkened corner...lie low until I can get to the wax lady."
"No, I can't see one honestly." He says, trying to appease me...but I know.

Superman looks at me strangely, "Do you mean these bits on the side mummy?" And he points to the area I am concerned about.

Oh god...it is all over...how can I face the world again?

There is only one thing for it...I will slip on a balaclava and go out into the night, I will dance with it...and no one will know then...

Advice...

I am a typical Gemini.

I have a love for writing, reading, chatting to people and an enquiring mind.  My friends would probably say that my mind is, on occasion, a tad too enquiring for their liking as they are gently probed for information.

If there is a subject that I am curious about, I will Google it and research it until I am satisfied, no matter the content. Without a doubt this has helped with the blog, as some of the most random conversations have led to me learning about the most diverse subjects and of course experiencing new situations.

My thirst for knowledge or processing certain information leads invariably to someone giving me advice, and over this year three pieces of advice have stuck in my mind.

The first piece of advice was when I made the decision to end my marriage. I believe that I have mentioned it before, but it was given to me by a very valued friend and really helped me focus on the decision that I was making without getting too anxious about the future.

She said; "Make the decision that feels right today. In this moment. Do not think about tomorrow, next week or next year, but just what is ok for you right now. You can change your mind tomorrow, it doesn't matter...it was right today."

This really helped as my husband left the family home, because although it was painful, there was something telling me that it was the right decision that day. I didn't know what the future held for us and I had no idea of where we would end up; but something had to give, as I knew I couldn't go on as I was.

Just seven months later it is still the right decision. Hard as it is to believe with a house of hobbits, the house is calmer and less toxic. We are not always as organised as we should be, my toilet is still lacking a seat, and there are certain jobs that I will avoid like the plague because it is harder doing it on your own.

However, this morning I look at my boys and know that although we won't always get it right and I won't probably win 'mother of the year' award, that we are doing the best we can...and I have happier hobbits than I had 9 months ago...and they have a happier hobbit mum.

The second piece of advice I want to share with you is something someone told me recently, with regards to all advice that we are given. So a piece of advice, about advice as it were.

"Everyone has an agenda. We shape our opinions on our own life experience and expectations. So no matter how well meaning people are and genuine, they will give us advice on what they know. So filter out what feels right for you and stay true to yourself"

Logical really, however we have a tendency to believe everything we are told as if someone else knows better than us. Which is why talking to several people about a problem or an issue is so important to me. I have many friends who are going through their own angst or dilemmas, and even I will base my advice on what has happened to me in the past. So to them I say, just take what you need...you will know what you need to do, and trust yourself and what feels right.

The last piece of advice was given to me this morning, via a hobbit.

Superman has a pencil that he was given by his teacher this week, for motivation I suspect and this morning he gave it to me and asked me to read what was written on the side;
'You can if you think you can!'

Simple really and I hope no one minds me sharing.

I will make the decisions that feel right in the moment, I will listen to others but always stay true to myself and I will endeavour to believe that I can.










Friday 9 November 2012

Ecstasy...

I am going to blow my own trumpet tonight...as I think I deserve to...

I started my new diet regime on the 20th July this year, and I am very very chuffed to inform you all that I have lost a total of 38lbs...just under 3 stone!!!! How frigging happy do you think I am? I am just 4lbs off goal weight.

 I admit that the toning up needs to continue and I shall keep going with that, but from the point of view of weight I couldn't be happier. It is such a buzz buying clothes now that are more flattering....and dare I say it, getting compliments and attention that boost the self esteem a little.

So please bear with me, because I can not help but say yo me!!!!!
I have worked really hard to get back to what I was before I had the children, and the difference in me is quite clear to everyone who knew me just 9 months ago.

The only downside...and yes there is one, two in fact....is that I have to buy more clothes. Awwww, shucks really? Skirts and trousers are slipping past my bum, and although there may be advantages to clothing that slips off easily...it isn't attractive when you are walking up the high street!

But it feels bloody good to say it!!! My clothes don't fit anymore...yeah....I said it again!!!

The other issue is the cold. I am really feeling the winter chill now, and I made a comment to someone today about it. He said to me that it may be due to the weight loss that I am feeling it more, as this time last year I had more  - ahem...'insulation'. Of course now I don't, I probably need to wear more layers, he suggested.

Hmmm...thermal underwear? An all in one wooly onesie?
"Hey babe, how good do I look in my onesie? Look it even has a hood and pockets!" Said no one sexy ever...
Nah, you're alright...I will try and embrace the cold when I am out...and dancing keeps you warm anyway.

Nevertheless, I think I am getting the electric blanket out tonight...it just has to be done. There is only so much warmth a girl can get from a hobbit or a pillow.  Getting into a warm bed is just about as pleasurable as it can be...do you think my ecstatic declarations will be heard next door as the warmth embraces me?

"Oh god yes...that is sooooo good!" Should give the neighbours something to talk about, with regards to the wanton female at number ten, god knows I need to give them some gossip as they haven't had anything from me for ages.

So I have got the blanket from storage and I am untangling the ties, (did I mention, mine comes with dual control and its own bondage straps?) I have also checked the instructions....just in case other 'ahem' equipment is prohibited....well...just in case.

After all, there is no point in dying in ecstasy...needlessly.



Thursday 8 November 2012

Parents evening...

I have just returned from the hobbits parent evening in a rather buoyant mood.

Not only have I had excellent reports from all three hobbit teachers, but I also managed to bag a couple of compliments myself. Go figure?

I am pleased to inform you that my amazing little hobbits are doing very well at school. Superman has woken up from his fairyland world at last and is excelling in class, whilst Spider-Man learns in a visual way and now they are working with him with that he is striding along exactly as he should be...and little Batman is working above national expectations in all subjects.

Every teacher said how much they loved my hobbits, that they were a pleasure to know and a joy to chat to and teach. No higher accolade surely as a single mum?

So, you go hobbits, you show the world what you can do and what you are made of. Show everyone that you are amazing and special, I am a proud mum tonight and I am so proud of you boys. Be confident in your life choices, in your learning and respectful to those you love...because you can and you will be.

Not everyone gets to see the hobbits that I know. They are an excitable bunch, but I get to see the tenderness, the kindness and the love more than anyone else, and it was so nice to hear how their respective teachers spoke about them this evening.

I was also incredibly touched to receive a compliment or two myself from more than one teacher who has known me over these past eighteen months. They have seen the change in me for the better and were incredibly kind in what they said.

The hobbits and I can do anything, because we have each other and we will face everything together.

I am so proud of you boys, and I love you more than you will ever, ever know.

What a difference a day makes...

Today is a good day... thus far.  I have parents evening to get through yet, so it could all fall down by 8pm tonight.

I came to a decision yesterday and stayed true to myself; and with that decision now carried out it has given me some peace. I feel much more like me again today than I have been of late.

The hobbits and I even tackled the hell that is.....the supermarket.... Drum roll if you please.

We tackled it with gusto, energy and strict instructions that no toys would be bought today. We even managed it in just under 45 minutes...we are getting good at this. The hobbits behaved well, and we got round fairly unscathed.....however it may have been the drowsy cough mixture I gave them just as we arrived in the car park that helped.

I am joking! I wouldn't do that to my hobbits....diazepam is far more effective.

I still managed to have far more in my trolley than originally intended, but that is after all, the hazard of shopping with hobbits. I did treat myself to a bottle of something nice as well, and some new music.

We sung all the way home in the car...singing all the words off key, and making up a few new ones.

They have discussed how mummy is the captain of the house, and the Queen is the boss of everybody...and how she tells the guards to kill the baddies who have been naughty. I didn't like to tell them that that is why they are called baddies, cos they are naughty...but it was nice listening to their world.

So the cupboards are full for a wee while, we have new tunes and dinner is in the oven.

Doesn't that sound like a good day to you?

Wednesday 7 November 2012

What to do...

So I took my dads advice, and I got back on the website to meet people to talk to...

Needless to say, I can't do it.

I am sorry dad, (and some friends) but I have no enthusiasm to talk to anyone. I have deleted every message and every wink without even reading it because...well, just because. I am sure there will come a time when I can and I will talk to someone else, but for now I have a little bit of hope that something will change; and it seems very unfair starting to talk to somebody when you can only think of someone else.

So what can I do to take my mind off things?

Dancing...dancing is good, and we will be partaking in that particular activity again on Saturday. I originally had other plans this weekend, so it is good that I have found another activity to keep my brain and body occupied.

Also writing. I have retrieved the so called novel that I started back in August, and I am concentrating on that. It might be pants when completed, but it will have served a purpose of keeping the mind focused.

And...my hobbits. They hug when I need them, without even asking...their sense of humour keeps me sane, they are my world and we look after each other very well indeed. I will focus on them.


Tuesday 6 November 2012

Christmas lists...

My friend J has just popped round on her way to the football.

She is a big fan of the local team and adorned my front door with her relevant teams t-shirt and scarf, singing some random football song.

I make her coffee and she lets out a big sigh, so naturally I ask her what's wrong.
"It has only been two days and I miss it already."
"Eh?" I look at her slightly confused.
"His cock." She states matter of factly, as if I should know this gem of information.
"Oh..." I say, raising my eyebrows.
"It is so lovely." She wistfully divulges, "You know I often hold onto it when we are together in bed, as like...a comforter."
My raised eyebrows can't go any further..."Perhaps you should get one of those kits, so that when he is away, you can have one of your own." I suggest.
Her mouth drops, "What kits?"
"You know, those ones where you can make a replica cock of your husband or boyfriend's cock." I enlighten her, "Unless of course he is a complete cock, then you may not have enough plaster of Paris to do that."
Her mouth is still open, and I actually physically lean over the table and close it shut.
It takes her a moment...but then, "I must have one!"

So we google... Clone a willy kit, $39.95; make a replica of your partners penis and you can even make your own vibrator from the mould.

"Oh my god," she can hardly contain her excitement, "I never knew such a thing existed, how did you know about this?" She asks me.
"I used to watch a lot of late night TV," I explain. "Oh look, this has a four out of five star rating, and listen to this...My boyfriend and I had so much fun with this kit - it's so easy. We even enjoyed a double penetration with him in my back door, and his 'replica' in my vagina...says Elizabeth from Boston. "

My friend can not contain her excitement...."$39.95, that is only about twenty quid."
With that we go silent as Superman comes in the room and brings me his Christmas list, covered with moshi monster requests. "There you go mummy, my list for Christmas."
"Thanks babe, I will put it with the others." I inform him as he walks back out.
My friend looks at the list, then looks at me, "I think I need to do one of them, and I know exactly what is going to be at the top of it."

Gotta love Christmas eh?



Totes amaze...

The day we go back to school after the half term holiday is always a mad panic.

We wake up late, grab what we can find, I throw breakfast at the hobbits as we roll out the door and I invariably forget something....ideally, not a hobbit.

Today was even worse...because as we ran to the car (late), we realised that it really had been that cold last night and the frost was rock hard on the car. Quickly throwing water on the windscreen so we could get going, I decided that today was a day for the winter hat.

I love hats.

Especially winter hats; wooly ones, bobbly ones, stylish ones, caps, berets etc etc...and I have to be honest and say, that in my humble opinion my new winter hat makes me look totes amaze! I feel like I am transported back into the 60's with my new hat, swinging along with the rest of the cool cats with The Beatles playing loudly in my ear.

Hey a girl can fantasize can't she?

So with the onset of the first serious frost we got to talking at work about the impending Christmas do's...we have several to partake in, however, I feel inclined to say no to some as I think not only will the bank balance suffer, but all my hardwork so far on the waist line will also take a beating.

Anyhow, I am attending the important ones and today we needed to put our meal order in...and thus a conversation about the cheese board commences.

"I don't want any mouldy cheese" says J with a disgusted look on her face, "give me cheddar and Edam and I will be fine."
"Oh, you have to have a bit of mould," interjects C poking her head around the door....she is always running off to do some job or other, whilst we just sit on our bums in the office....by the way, you were looking hot today babe.
"You will only be happy with cheddar, Edam, and a squirmy bit of Primula cheese," suggests our other colleague..."Try something else, you never know you might like it."
J pulls a face that indicates there is no way on this planet she will try anything else, "I quite like camy-bear" she retorts.
"What the hell is camy-bear?" I ask, "It suggests a cheesy type of care bear."
I get a tongue poked out at me for my efforts...so I go back to looking at flights for a 'just me' holiday.
"Why do they have to make stuff up, weird cheese, strange sounding soups...it is just wrong."

So we are looking forward to Christmas, to some serious partying and having a strange meal to eat, and I think I may just wear another new hat, my new red dress, new heels and look totes amaze all over again...yeah, we like Christmas.

Monday 5 November 2012

Impressions...

Is anyone else freezing their butt off this evening?

I am sitting in bed with at least four layers of clothing and I am still cold. I think it may be time for...the electric blanket...god I am so getting old.

However, two out of three hobbits I think were also cold tonight, as I have just checked on them and they are cuddled up together in one bed...I seriously considered getting in with them, or at the very least taking them to bed with me like a portable hot cuddly thing.

Maybe if I make enough noise they will wake up and come join me...

I have achieved quite a lot today. Lots of work...eugh...needed to be done, and we have completed homework for three, and I have a shopping list for tomorrow for Spider-Man's model volcano that he wants to make for a school project. He has been googling on the iPad to find the one he wants, and I think we are going for the baking powder, washing up liquid and water one...more effective.

Does anyone else find it hard to keep up with homework and school projects? Especially as I often do work from home in the evening as well...there seems to be so much put on our children from a young age.

We have done reading, maths homework and keywords...times that by three, are you surprised that I am exhausted before I even start the dinner?

However, books are signed and it is parents evening this week...so I might as well look like a good respectable mum for about 48 hours beforehand.

So we are organised for another day...until tomorrow comes at least.


Sunday 4 November 2012

Listen to your father...

My dad is a very wise man.

I rang him quite upset this evening, trying to make some sense of recent events. He has been there himself, and he knows me so well and knows that I put everything into relationships and end up getting hurt.

He is worried about me and wants someone to look after me for a change. Apparently I am quite lovely, but then he is my dad, he would say that.

So consequently he has verbally kicked me up the arse (in a totally loving and kind way) and told me that I need to move on, meet new people and start looking after me.

It won't stop me from missing the person who has left my life, but even that person has informed me not to put my life on hold for him so I have to take him at his word. I can not continue to blame myself, over think things and try to understand factors leading up to last weekend that I can not comprehend.

For me it was special; but I have effectively been told that it is over and I need to accept that, even though my feelings don't want it to be.

It has genuinely been a completely and utterly exhausting week for me emotionally, and the silence is agony. My dad was kind enough to acknowledge how I felt about this person and realise it for what it was and still is, however he also gave me some clear advice as a male what was possibly happening.

My dad and my friends have told me to get back in the saddle, not necessarily for dating - in fact my father would rather I didn't. But just to meet people and make new friends...after all that was the initial goal back in mid July.

So I am taking my dads advice and indeed my friends and I am signing back up to the website and seeing where it goes. I have learnt a lot of hard lessons recently...let's hope they stand me in good stead for the future.

A warm and cosy vagina...

After the euphoria of the night before, the morning has brought with it the stark realisation that I am possibly too old for dancing till 3 in the morning...

Not a drop of alcohol passed my lips much to the surprise of friends who saw me dancing sober, however I have never needed alcohol to dance or get high on the enjoyment of the evening, (A...you would be witness to that - do you remember being relieved that I hadn't had any alcohol?) ...I just don't care...but this morning it feels like I attended a drug induced, keg filled frat party last night.

Even the clouds are too bright coming through the windows!

I was rudely awakened by the hobbits this morning at 7, just three hours after I went to sleep...honestly, don't they know that mummy is trying to find her mojo again? They left me to lie in bed and with the babysitter still asleep on the sofa they played together.

However when my body decided to move because the urge for the toilet was too overwhelming, the babysitter called up the stairs to say he was gonna be late for his next job.

Quick mad panic...everyone threw on coats over their pj's (apart from myself, I did actually dress) and ran to the car. We must have looked a right chavtastic state...perhaps I do live in the right town after all?

Babysitter deposited home, and with bacon, Sunday newspaper and French stick purchased, the hobbits and I have just treated ourselves to some serious bacon sarnies...while I remember the oddities of last night.

I have to say the best moment may have been B, walking to the nightclub, shivering from the cold and wet...pi**ed as a fart, holding onto my arm.
"Why are we here?" She slurred..."We should be at home in the warm."
"Come on...we can do this. We can get down with the kids, we are not that old." I encouraged.
She groaned, "We should be at home, tucked up in our vaginas."
"Our vaginas?"
"Yes, with the heating on...all snuggled up and cosy."
"Yes babe, but our vaginas? Did you mean our pj's?"
She stopped in the street and looked at me with a drunk quizzical look...
"Same difference," she concluded with a satisfied face. "They are both cosy and warm."

Well I could hardly argue with her about that, alas I think the hobbits and I will stay in our pj's and duvets today, no matter how tempting a warm vagina may be...and I will recuperate my old bones, so that maybe I can do it all over again next month.

Enjoy your Sunday...

The art of mingling...

It is now three thirty am and I have just got into bed.

The girls and I, complete with a couple of token males have had a great night out, truly testament to the fact that my feet are absolutely throbbing!

Initially we went to a bar.
Now I know not all of my readers know where I live, but I have to tell you that some of the parts of the town I live in are not the most savoury of places. Just getting cash out of the machine at 9pm made me look a bit nervously around...however, apart from being accosted and sung to by a couple of drunks, B and I made our way to the bar.

Nice bar...bit of music, friendlyish type of people, until you start looking closer and listening to some of the conversations...it was like drinking in Jeremey Kyle's world...B and I are thankful that we weren't born here and decided that we were a right pair of snobs...I feel the need to reassure my readers that we live on the outskirts, yes the outskirts of town, and most of the time we never get to meet such colourful characters.

But oh my god...the police pulled up outside, someone started an argument with them, someone got in the back of the car...we sipped our drinks and watched the whole scene unfold before our very eyes.

Maybe it is time I moved?

B decided at one point that we needed to mingle.
Really? Did I have to?
She explained that it was time I mingled and weaved me between the gentlefolk to find someone to chat to. We were pounced on by some random chap who insisted he was a fireman by trade...yeah right...he was a tosser and I decided right there and then, that mingling sucks.

Anyway, thankfully we moved onto the bottle throwing, arse grabbing nightclub. It didn't bode well when we entered to some glass being smashed on the floor and a load of twenty year olds laying face down on the dance floor...however it was good music and I will dance around anyone if I need to.

Apparently, I am informed, I am not a bad dancer...which genuinely was a bit of surprise to me. I only ever dance alone as a rule, so obviously my years of kitchen dancing has paid off. Clearly something I must do more often.

We danced solid for three hours...possibly one of the best work outs I have ever had. My chest is now sore from the smoke machine, and my feet and thighs are killing me from wearing such high heels to dance in...but bloody hell it was so what I needed.

I didn't think about anything. I just danced and flirted with B...she's a good catch I'll have you know! I only had my arse slapped once by some oik, and needless to say I made it very clear that he would see righty (as someone I know would say) should he choose to do it again.

I have now done the nightclub drop off, being designated driver and all..and we sung Footloose on the way home in the car. I have made a cup of tea and had a muffin (alas the bread kind) and I am now safely back in my bed having checked on the hobbits and the babysitter.

Now if only I could be arsed to take my make up off then all really would be well.

Saturday 3 November 2012

Retail therapy for three...

Ok, so when the going gets tough...the tough go shopping...don't they?

Well they do in our world.

Two out of three hobbits and I have been shopping this morning, and raced through a few puddles as well just for fun.

All started well, we were after all here for the most important item - batteries, not I can assure you for me and a well known toy, but for the hobbits and their guns. Once they had batteries in the trolley, everything else besides the toy aisle was insignificant.

But after about twenty minutes the boredom set in and for a further fifteen minutes all I had was;
"Can I have this?"
"Can I have an Xbox game?"
"Can we have that?"
"Can I, can I, can I?"

It took all of my strength not to tie them up and throw them into the trolley myself...

However, I needed a top for this evening and I believe they have chosen well Master Yoda. The girls will surely let me know later on tonight...but it will be an all black attire, and some would say that suits my mood appropriately at present.

We are also new school shoe-d up, and winter coated up...for now at least. Forget buying toys for Christmas, it is bad enough just keeping them in warm clothes and food! Can I get away giving them a hamper of food for the forthcoming festivities? Do you think they will be disappointed?

They are now shooting each other like crazy kids...while I try to focus on cleaning my house. It has seen far better days and has been begging me to clean it for days, in fact a few things have been allowed to slip this week and it is time I kicked my arse into shape.

The retail therapy helped. So a small mission accomplished...





Friday 2 November 2012

Killer heels...

At last the weekend is here...the diary is full, and it promises to be a good one.

The hobbits new Nerf guns have arrived so we can go and shoot pretend rabbits in the morning (apologies to the vegetarians, and it will only be pretend)....Superman has a party so, two hobbits and I may go shopping as I need something to wear for the evening and the hobbits are very good at helping me choose what looks good.

I am out with the girls tomorrow night...my lovely friends have insisted and persuaded me to go into town and get down with the kids. Do you think it took a lot of persuading?

We will be frequenting a local establishment and later a nightclub...it has been a long time since I was at a nightclub and I am reliably informed that it is the type of place that I am likely to get bottled or groped. I am not sure which one scares me the most.

Because it has been a while, I found myself asking a girlfriend today what to wear for tomorrow night...she pondered on this for a bit and said;
"Wear your jeans and some killer heels - your arse looks great in those jeans, even I wanted to grab it."
Really? I was a tad stunned.
"Oh yes definitely...the jeans and a nice top are the way to go. They tend to dress down in Brighton, up in Essex and where you are going it should probably be middle of the road."

Well, I thought, I suppose the jeans would provide an easier getaway from the bottle throwing, and the heels a great weapon for the groper.

So I have an all night babysitter...because if I can make it past midnight it will be a late one, maybe I should consider taking a nap beforehand? Being forty and all...

Sunday is likely to be spent recovering, and there is no biking on Sunday...not for a couple of weeks do I have that pleasure again.

So have a good weekend all..it is my intention to do the same.

How do I look?

Ok, so the head hurt a wee bit at about 5am this morning..but after paracetamol and coffee we are up and running today.

I have had hobbit hugs in bed and although not everything is alright in my world currently, we have the day to get through and we have lots of love in this house.

The hobbits are off to see Nanny for the day as I have to go to work, and after much cajoling the hobbits are ready for the day.

Superman and Batman have just come into to see me and Superman has asked me if he looks smart and sexy.
"Yes," I reassure him, "You look super smart and super sexy. How do I look?"
Batman looks at me curiously, hugs me and says, "You look...kind."

I think that may well be the best compliment I have had in a long time, and I will use it to get through the day.

After all, that is not such a bad thing to be is it?

Thursday 1 November 2012

Drunk in charge of hobbits...

B has made it her intention this evening to get me drunk...and just two and a half hours later, I am...this is not good, a school night drunk and in charge of a blog and of hobbits.

Alas today has not been a good day...and I am sick of feeling sad. Therefore the Blossom Hill has emerged, and we are looking at dating websites...not, I hasten to add for me, but for her...I am good at replying to prospective boyfriends for her apparently.

I am not quite ready to jump back onto the horse as it were, even though my friends suggest I should...no, no, no, I can not simply put myself through that again at the moment.

So I am living through the lovely, wonderful, special B...can you tell I have had a few glasses of vino?

She has even suggested that my glass may be laced with something anaesthetically pleasing, so that I may fall under her spell instead... "Would you like some rohypnol with that madam?"

So we are on dating websites,  I have no idea what she is doing half the time and I am only instructed to reply to them on her behalf...we have met Rob, and are currently chatting to Richard who she likes, but personally, it just ain't doing it for me...he needs to improve his chat up lines!

The good news is J has just turned up with extra supplies...this could be a long night...alcohol is blotting things out, it is good and I am embracing it!

Counselled by a witch...

I sincerely hope you all had a good Halloween.

The hobbits and I joined forces with other ghouls and witches to go trick or treating, of which they now have such a stock of sweets to keep them sugared up until Christmas.

It was great seeing the excitement of hobbits and friends, and for me Halloween starts the countdown to Christmas and all the joys that brings. Little people really do help and keep the imagination alive.

Alas I did not dress up this year, my witches costume and hat remained in the cupboard...although I am sure that there are those who would say my witchy persona comes out too often anyway - without the hat!

So the hobbits had a good time, collecting and giving out candy to those who knocked on our door later...whilst I found myself in the strange position of being counselled by the wicked witch of the west at about 8.30 last night.

Having an emotional conversation with a woman covered in green face make up, a black cloak & ruby slippers; drinking tea across my dining room table was rather surreal to say the least, and at best managed to bring laughter to the situation.

You'll be pleased to hear that she wasn't some random witch that had knocked on my door, but the lovely B who was doing a grand job of looking wicked. I think if she really could have cast some spells last night, then she would have done.

So that is Halloween completed for this year. The spiders and the cobwebs have to come down, (and that is just my housekeeping)...and soon the Christmas decorations will be up.

That gives us all something to look forward to.