Andy...

Ok, I have been awake since the early wee hours and I am bored, bored, bored.

So I do what everyone has been telling me to do, and I go on the dating website...just to see if anyone has sent me anything of interest.

I can't help it. It isn't really what I want, but I am going a little stir crazy...and after all it is just chatting.

I think I may just be the meanest person in the world, because among the messages I have received I have got one from Andy...and I can't help but want to share with you the content of his message.

Andy is 26. Kind of scary really that he would be looking at a profile of a 40 year old mum of three kids.... I can only imagine what was going through his mind. "Hey, I have my whole life ahead of me, I am young, good looking...no strings...let's go look for stress, anxiety and an older woman who has baggage.'

Hmmmm....

So, according to Andy I am simply hot stuff...wow, who knew...personally I think Andy needs to pop himself off to specsavers ASAP and in response to that there is only one word...really? (Insert raised eyebrow and mocking undertone.)

Shall I go on? Or do you already think that I am mean for mocking Andy, who is after all, a young lad just trying to make contact with members of the opposite sex...well, perhaps if you knew the rest of the message you might not be so scathing about me. Here it is in it's full glory...

Hi.....
I just viewed your profile and i like it. You are a very beautiful and gorgeous lady..and believe me your place is not here...at the way you look..WOW...i'm sure you can drives crazy hundreds of mens :).Your hot smile can thaw glaciers...and your eyes can tame wild animals for sure...You do not need social networks to find your half...i am sure you turn a lot of heads when you walk on the streets.
Why are you alone?Sorry for ask...but that guy who has lost you was crazy..and now is a big loser!!!
The next guy will have you will be more happy than anything... Honestly is one of the few times in my life when i would like to be a little bit older.
I know i am just a kid in front of you,and maybe you wished to hear this things from somebody close to your age...or maybe you are tired to hear hundreds of compliments daily.... By this reason i would like to accept my apologies,i didn't want to bother you...I only just could not stop myself to do not write you this message from all my soul.   Thanks for reading,and wish you a great evening and a sunny weekend...if you wanna be friends,and chat i am free for you anytime.

Andy

Friday at 12:50am

Here is my reply...

Hi Andy,

Thank you so much for your gushing and somewhat overwhelming message.

Firstly I must congratulate you on using Google translate to formulate your message. I know that must have taken time, and I admire a man who has patience.

What can I say? You clearly are a man of impeccable taste, as it is true I do drive men absolutely crazy...in more ways than one. It is alas, a burden I have carried with me all my life but one I have grown to accept. My smile does indeed melt ice and scientists have been studying me for some time now...I have turned down numerous toothpaste companies just begging me to advertise for them.

As for taming wild animals...I once calmed a wild pig in a night club, does that count? I choose to use social networks because of the sheer volume of men who adore me, it is such a chore being a head turner, have you ever seen the Lynx effect advert? That is what life is like for me on a daily basis, I only have to walk down the road and cars crash, men have the urge to buy me flowers and I can not tell you how many times I have been proposed to! 

Yet, I am alone...I am a bit picky Andy...I suppose when you can have all of the candy in the store your tastes become somewhat diverse and unique. I wouldn't want to settle for anything less than complete adoration...hence my urge to reply to you.

One can never tire of hearing a hundred compliments a day, (if only it was just a hundred,) however Andy I wouldn't want you to apologise for that...it is after all something I have got used to; and there is no need for you to think that you need to be older to pique my interest...you are after all over 18. I have been called a cougar on more than one occasion. 

I hope that this has answered some of your important questions about my life...after all, who needs to know about the other stuff; where I work, what are my hobbies etc...the only thing that is important is your message from your soul.

Me...

Now, do I send it or just stop being mean and leave it for my own private memory? As it could be incredibly crushing to this poor young man...after all I don't want to break his heart and add that to the pile of all the other hearts I have broken.