Seeing the elephant....

My friend S has done it. She has been very brave, but she has finally said goodbye to the two men in her life.

Regular readers will know that she has struggled with one who is great in one way, but can not commit...and another who is just nice, but really doesn't blow her away like the other one does. I admire her because she is being so strong, but she has told them both today that she can't carry on like this anymore.

She cares deeply, but S has given more than she was able to, to two very different men and now she is exhausted - emotionally and mentally. I have to say, I really don't think I would have had the stamina...but she doesn't have three young hobbits!

Four women have sat round my table this evening like a dodgy version of Loose Women, (thank god none of us look like Janet Street-Porter), complete with coffee, tea and a bowl of chocolate.

"That's it," S says, "no more men. I can't do it anymore."
"You can still do men, just not relationships." Suggests J.
"Nope, if I need something, I can buy it." She says defiantly.
"Is it expensive?" I ask, "I may need it myself in the future."
"Apparently, about a thousand pound an hour." Says Pootle, however I am not sure how she knows this.
"Jesus! Really? I think I will stick with the portal of power then." I acknowledge grudgingly.
"Good money in it though." Pootle has mentioned this to me before.
"Could you really do that through?" I ask honestly, "I mean you wouldn't have a choice, would you? You could get some fat wheezy guy who hasn't washed for a week." I shudder.
Pootle looks at me from under her woolly hat, "yes, if I had no money and my life depended on it, I would do it."

"I know," says J, with a slap of her hand on the table. "We need a business plan. As I am the only one around this table in a relationship it makes sense for me to be the Madame." She continues, "I will look after you, make sure you go to the clinic regularly, and give you a good starter kit."
"What, keep us in lube?" Says Pootle.
"Absolutely, I will look after my girls."
"Oh can we have a town house?" Asks Pootle, "with a grand entrance? Where you sit there greeting the potential customers with your fur coat and glasses?"
Pootle really has given this too much thought, however J agrees.
"Don't forget the elephants outside." I say, and three of them look at me as if I am mad.
It is S who asks...."elephants?"
I nod, and as usual pop onto google..."the elephant is synonymous with brothels and prostitution, it is called seeing the elephant when you know...you see a man in his glory."
"How do you know this?" J and S ask simultaneously.
"There was a huge prostitute house in Spain, where I used to live....they had stone elephants outside."
J nods in acceptance.
"Well, if we are doing this, we need a business plan. Don't go giving us rubbish J."
She looks at us, " well, it all depends on how you all perform. I will be giving out feedback forms...."
This reduces us to laughter, "OMG... Rate from unsatisfactory to excellent...."

She nods. I think this may be potentially the hardest job I could ever do. She would be a tough Madame, and the fact that she is already referring to us as her girls...I think it may be a job I won't be applying for.