Return to sender...

I have hit a wall...metaphorically.

I feel utterly wretched and overwhelmed by everything today and have found myself sitting on the stairs wondering what the hell I am doing on at least two occasions.

Any single parent will tell you how tough it is and I am not bemoaning the fact that I am a single mum; in one respect I am very lucky as reminded by a good friend. I make the rules and I can break the rules if I want to; I don't have to answer to anyone else and indeed there are far less arguments in the house than before.

However...I feel tired of trying to keep all the plates spinning today. There are just too many things to do, to think about or actively take some action on. The house is a mess and needs serious attention; there are envelopes to open, chairs and bikes to fix, hobbits to answer to and in general just where the hell is my life direction?

I am aware what each one of these things and more need, I know what I have to do...but my surplus energy has packed its spotted handkerchief and buggered off down the road to a festival of sorts. It has abandoned me and left me in a little heap.

It won't last; this feeling of wanting to pack me and the hobbits in the car and disappear over the horizon....I normally find my mojo again, and invariably it is hiding under the fridge with the accumulation of dust and dirt I haven't cleaned up. But today, just today, I have permission to wallow.

I have been reliably informed that this is ok to do sometimes. That and make lists.

So after at least cleaning out the fridge and other mundane jobs, I am now wallowing. I will make lists later, because wallowing was on the top of the list and that is at least proactive and I can tick one off.

I have also been told to write down each annoyance, irritant and general worry on tiny pieces of paper and stick them in balloons to set them free. So I apologise now, if a brightly coloured balloon arrives in your garden with my handwriting on it...I will try not to swear in case a child finds it.

Just pop the balloon and throw my worry away where you feel is best...because I certainly don't want them sent back; Return to sender...