Jam for everyone...

At about 5.20 this evening I hear my front door open and a moment later, J pops her head around the door to the kitchen.

She looks at me seriously and says simply, "I need sperm."

I look at her bemused for a few seconds, (but it feels much longer) and say, "Sorry, I only have coffee."

She sinks down on one of the dining room chairs, "I need sperm now."
I frown slightly at her, "Dare I ask why?"
"Acne. It's a cure."
"Oh...yes, I had heard that - I recall a blog many moons ago about this very thing."
"I don't remember that," she says googling the '8 Things you didn't know you could do with human sperm.'
"Yes - ages ago, talked about the positive effects of Sperm."

"Did you know that you make food with it?"She tells me.
"Eugh...really? Nasty."
"Oh I dunno - it gives a recipe for Creme Caramel here...it is under a company name of Natural Harvest."
"All natural? Oh Poot's will love it."I tell her.

I pass her a cup of coffee, with sweetener I hasten add..."Well, you could always ask D if he could provide you with something for the weekend?"
Her eyes light up - "Would that be appropriate?"
I laugh, "No, but has that ever stopped you before? He could put it in a little pot for you - like a face cream pot."
"Do you think it has a shelf life?" She asks.

I consider this, "I would have thought so. Two - three days tops. Maybe you can put it in the fridge? Or perhaps it has to be kept at room temperature?"
"I don't think my son would approve if he found that in the fridge."
"Well, you don't tell him - say it's a prescription cream."
J laughs..."I don't think a small pot will do either. I need a bigger jar or something."

Poor D....he is gonna have a busy weekend.

"It says you can freeze it too..." She says checking her list. "...and someone painted with it."
Ok, now this conversation is becoming even more bizarre than normal. "Anything else?"

So she informs me that sperm is great for the following:
Eight things you didn't know you could do with human sperm...

After a lot more chatting she finishes her second cup of coffee and starts getting her stuff together...
"Where you off to now then?" I ask.
She gives me a hug, throws her bag on her shoulder and starts to walk out the door;
"I'm off to buy Jam and Marmalade....and I aim to eat a lot of it by the weekend. Ta ta."

Good luck D :-)