Plans...

I have just three sleeps to go before hobbit reunion....excited much? Me? Do you think?

In order to have some relief of the lack of my little superheroes, B generously allowed me to babysit for her little boys last night. It was nice being back in the company of little soldiers and they are such scrumptious lads that it's hard to be too miserable around them.

Her oldest gives the best hugs, and now when he see's me at the door naturally hugs me with a knowing look in his eye. He will be coming to the airport with me on wednesday in order to meet and greet, and he is a pleasure to be with.

The youngest is the cheekiest and most independent little thing that I have ever known. Equally as delicious as his older brother, they are a credit to you hun - thank you for sharing them a little bit with me this weekend.

As for today - I have been given a list by B while she is off working, in order to stop moping around the house. Really B, I had plans you know? I was going to wallow in my own self pity and you made me stop. Thank god for you eh?

I have written several pages of 'the story' - I can feel the old feelings of, 'Oh my god this is so crap' surfacing already, but I am determined to plough on. I have a decent outline (decent? really?), well something like that anyway and I have people lined up for research. Sounds good doesn't it? Sounds almost...professional. Yeah, well I can assure you it isn't, however it will be good to accomplish it and add it to my life list for being forty.

B and I had a similar conversation about 'the list' - while watching her eldest scoot over the ramps with ease.
"Where do you think you will be five years time?" She asked.
My mind went blank. God I haven't even thought to the end of the month let alone in 5 years.
"I don't know, do you?"
"Probably an eco warrior." She said excitedly - B is a tree hugger, and even her brother has her noted in his telephone as B - Earth Child. Swampy would make a good life partner for her.
She makes her own juice, her own creams and potions...do you think she has one that speeds time up?

Is it bad that I have no five year plan? It is true that I am just muttering through each day without much future consideration. But at what point do we make confirmed plans?

It has been a dream of mine for a long time to be a writer, but it's such a skilled profession that I know that I am not up to that standard and have a long way to go. I did consider an OU course on creative writing, but my bank balance laughed at me and told me to come back in five years time.

Some of you will also know that I would love to be a midwife. I attended the University last year to find out about the course, and it is an amazingly intense three year course and listening to the lecturer describe the content only whetted my appetite more. However, yet again it comes down to funds - even more so now when one is on ones own. There is also no guarantee of acceptance on the course, or guarantee of work at the end of it.

So what to do? I actually am in a lucky position to enjoy the job I do do. I think I help people make a difference to their lives, and it's incredibly satisfying seeing people do well in their own life choices...crap, am I a tree hugger too?

But I do want more challenge in what I do, I acknowledge that; yet nevertheless my hobbits challenge me every day when they are here, and seeing them do well in the next five years and grow in confidence and into young men will be a challenge enough in itself.

So a five year plan. I am staring at the screen blankly...there must be something. God am I that dull? Does everyone have a plan? I am working on the next year plan, that in itself must be something. I could do a year I think.

So thoughts? What else could we achieve? Someone wise told me recently that they wanted to die on their bed an old man thinking, shit that was good, can I do it again?

I like that sentiment...that life was so good you'd want to repeat it, no matter what the choices were.

At the risk of sounding like B - (a young hippy lady with her gemstones) - I think we just all need to grab this life by the Sandra Bullocks and enjoy it; make choices without hurting anyone; weed out the people who take away your energy, and be with the people that understand you...

I hope in the next five years I will have somewhere nicer to live for me and my boys; that I still have all my friends and my teeth; that I still dance in the kitchen to ABBA; that I have a nice new motorbike in the garage and that I have fallen in love on at least one occasion...simple really.

Now that IS a plan.