Trust your instinct...

What is it about being single at 35+ that gives some men the impression that you must clearly be desperate and up for it?

Perhaps it is about being a single mum that suggests to some men that you are an easy option?

I am not the only single mum who seems to have noticed this phenomenon - a few of my single mum friends have also noticed that there are some men who just think it's OK to turn up at your door, without, I hasten to add a kebab or a pizza, and invite themselves in for a snog and a cuddle.

A friend of mine has recently separated from her husband, she has two young children and is trying to get her life back together. It is early days, and she is doing well - but she is still vulnerable.  A couple of weeks ago, her husband's married best friend turns up at her doorstop with a bottle of wine and a condom in his pocket.

WTAF????!  Who the hell does he think he is? What makes him think that he is so damn irresistible that clearly she wouldn't be able to carry on her life without getting serviced by him?

Needless to say - my friend gave him a piece of her mind, but took the wine - good girl! However, it does unnerve me that even an adult woman, who is fairly streetwise could get herself caught in that type of situation.

We are warned about dating websites - be careful who you contact; don't give away identifying details; make sure a friend knows where you are going and make sure you check in regularly on a first date - however these are rules for men that you don't know - what about the ones you do know? Who you think you can trust? The ones who make you feel uncomfortable about saying no.

There are no rules. Except one - trust your instinct, if he says he is there because his wife doesn't understand him, then she probably has a bloody damn good reason not to understand him.
If he says his wife is jealous - I wonder why?
If it feels wrong, trust why and act accordingly. When it happened to my friend, she told me that her initial reaction was one of shock and disbelief.

She thought, No, he isn't coming to see me for that...he wouldn't see me like that? Would he? As always, self esteem in her boots - why on earth would he like me, I have misread him. So you don't trust that initial fight/flight reaction. However, he did. That was exactly what he did want - and it led to having a very difficult conversation with him, which really should never have happened.

No wonder some married women hold onto their husbands when single mums walk past - it's not because that we think that we are all gorgeous, but that some men think we are easy.