Glitter and stars...

Well I am reliably informed that I am a misery...and that it is way time that I found my mojo and stopped damn well moping about.

I am aware that there have been other things going on my life, which has led to poor blogging and an incapacity to eat properly, however my friends are right. I need to pick myself up from my boot straps, (or purple DM laces) and sort it - now.

So without hesitation and much ado...here is, I hope a more cheerful and wittier blog than has been of late.

There has been a blog before about 'grass on the pitch'. In fact I am surprised at how many people have emailed after specific sexually related blogs, to offer their advice or confirmation that they indeed do the same as I have wondered about.

Sperm being used as a face cream was one...am so impressed girl! You know who you are, and I am not only impressed that you have done it and done so for many years, but also that you shared that little snippet with me. I promise not to reveal your identity...well, not unless I get very very drunk!

However, grass on the pitch actually caused some debate and discussion.

There were some that simply liked to leave it grow wild and embrace the Pygmy village that it had become, whilst others liked to trim and add some glitter and there were others who proudly informed me that they whip it all off with a razor or waxing as soon as a tiny hair peeked out of a follicle.

I have asked many of my friends in order to debate this more carefully. I have to know my options you know...

Now I would love to give you statistics and inform you of the percentages, but I feel that to actually do a survey across my girlfriends might increase their concern and worry about me on a daily basis, therefore I feel it is best left to general conclusions.

Those who like to leave it to as nature intended, I am impressed by your general swampiness. Does everyone remember or know who Swampy was? He was the Eco warrior who lived underground in some form of protest...and I am fairly sure he never shaved anywhere. I have to say, the thought of letting go completely wild doesn't really thrill me, but I admire the lady friends of mine who do. I neglected to ask them if they did the same with underarm hair...

Those who trim - now that seems fastidious doesn't it? A little snip and shave here just to keep it all tidy and neat. So nothing peeks out from out the bikini or swimsuit line, or in my case my giant Bridget Jones knickers....a girl has just got to hold it all in!

These ladies confessed to a bit of decoration on occassion, and apparently you can get a bow or some sort of decor for any type of event. I think some nice Christmas lights should be on the cards actually, although I dread to think where I would put the pocket battery.

Then of course there are those who embrace the soft skin and take it all away.  They fall into two categories, the Shavers and the Waxers.

Now waxing as we know ladies, ensure for a smoother result and lasts longer. But this is where I confess that to those who do wax, I tip my hat to you. It is bad enough even considering waxing legs or eyebrows, but waxing the girly garden just sends shudders down my spine and an involuntary wince like I have just eaten a whole lemon.  F**k you are brave women!

Those who shave have reliably informed me that it requires regular maintenance and in the early stages a shaving rash. That doesn't sound too attractive does it? Apparently all quite normal until the skin gets used to being shaved there on a regular basis. However, I can only imagine that it would look a little unpleasant when getting down with the new man.

I can only suggest what a few of my friends advised on one drunken evening, if there is a rash - decorate it.  They came up with a few alternatives, slap a bit of glue on and roll yourself in glitter; or complete a dot to dot to see if you could come up with something imaginative...I however don't have access to those things in my house...the hobbits don't generally play with glitter. However, if I decide to take the plunge I could always use the tiny stars from their star charts....