Life is complicated enough...

I am getting stressed.

I have a complicated issue that I am unable to resolve, until possibly it will be too late. It is thankfully, not a life or death situation, but nevertheless it is causing me some angst and I am proving to be a bit of a failure at resolving this issue. Perhaps it is best just to say it then we all know what we are dealing with...

Underwear.
There, I have said it out loud. Underwear...practical, sexy, crotchless, lace, French, thong...
What makes it sexy?
What makes someone feel good, or from the other side of the coin, what makes someone else 'think' you look good?(Besides ten pints and a curry)
How can one or two pieces of clothing turn you into a sexual goddess?

To be honest, I really don't think it can. That is after all, quite a lot of pressure that you are placing on this tiny piece of relatively delicate material...(If you pardon the pun)...

'I will put you on,' says girl to French knickers, 'and I will instantly become sexier and he will desire me.'

Hmm..see my point?
It's not easy trying to imagine yourself as sexy or desirable to anyone and in my case, someone will require their beer goggles.

I have to buy some underwear. It is important, not only for how it will make me feel but also for how it will look. Consequently I have found myself skulking, yes skulking, in ladies underwear departments thinking that I have no real right to be there...looking wistfully at barely there garments trying desperately to see how I could make something look good on me.

I can not imagine myself in any of them without feeling clumsy and awkward. 

My other dilemma, is what denotes it to be sexy in the first place? Some people prefer black, others red...some like lace, some like all in ones...the list is bloody endless, so how do you know what makes it special? What is one man's junk, to another man's treasure as it were?

There is so much choice out there that I really am going a bit squiffy eyed with designs, patterns, underwire and colours...I have become an underwear freak! What is my issue? Is it me or the bra?

I think it may be that I am at fault here. The knickers have done no wrong really and millions of other women do this without even flinching, so what is the problem I have?

Sex appeal is the shortest answer I can give you. Somebody said to me recently that women need to ooze sex appeal, they need to find their inner sex goddess and embrace it...the trouble is, I think mine is still eating four doughnuts and a slice of pizza for lunch and won't be back for some time.

I find it very hard to see myself as anything more than I am. I do not believe that I could make anything look good, so when I look at clothing or underwear I do not see myself doing it any justice.

I am being as honest as I can here...I sincerely hope that you won't beat me over the head with a 36DD padded bra, because that won't help...I just need to find where that bloody sexual goddess has gone and get her home in time.