Ok...now there is something that needs to be said.
If you decide to take out my Pootle on a date...do not when she arrives, abandon her at the bar to park your fat bum in a seat while she buys her own drink. You offer to buy her a drink and offer her the seat first...twit!
That was your first mistake...and a rookie mistake as our friend L concurred.
Really? Was my retort...really? Just before I called him a pillock.
She came home early last night, with the date not having gone as well as expected. So she arrived at mine with a shared takeaway and we watched Dirty Dancing and swooned over Patrick Swayze's muscles...aaahhhh.....
"Is it bad that all I wanted to do was come back, get into my pyjamas and watch TV with you?" She asks me through a mouthful of rice.
"Nope. I have been wanting to discuss the G spot with you since you left."
"Ok cool...yep, a much better discussion to be had here. Tea?"
When we mentioned this conversation with L today over dinner and gin, he asked us to repeat it.
"Sorry ladies, but did you have this conversation once you'd gone to bed?"
Pootle and I are known to share a bed at a weekend...ok, it really isn't that dodgy. If I have her boys for the night, she is likely to have a few drinks and more often that not comes back to mine to share the details of the night and yes....we end up in bed with a cup of tea and a biscuit or two.
Purely innocent...however in the mind of L he would prefer for us to lie and suggest that it wasn't....
"What conversation?" I ask
"The one about the G spot? 'Cos if you did...please lie, and tell me the details very very slowly."
Pootle looks at him, "yes, I found hers, she found mine and then we did it all again...does that help?"
He smiles..."yep."
"Predictable L, very predictable..." I tell him. "More importantly, why is that men think there is only one place to excite a woman?" I look at Pootle, "last nights date couldn't even find his bloody wallet, he wasn't gonna find anything more important was he?"
"Alas no," she says sadly, "but not many do..."
"Do you know where the man's is?" Asks L.
"In the bum" we say together...
"Oh...ok...you do."
"You know this information is freely available on the good old Internet, why don't men prepare?" I ask. "Why is this not a badge in scouts? "
"That would be far more interesting than taking old Mrs Jones' dog out for a walk." Says Pootle.
Thankfully, some men do prepare and know exactly what to do and where things are...but gentlemen if you are expecting us to have the knowledge then really it is time you did your homework too.
Chivalry is not just about buying the drinks, offering a seat first or opening the door...but also knowing exactly what buttons to push and when...
Now be good boys scouts...and go prepare!!!
4 comments:
Far be it for me to question the pearls and perils of womanhood but I see a flaw in your assessment of the preperation of us Boy Scouts. Now, don't get me wrong, Pootles Douche fully deserved the early cold shower. I mean who in their right mind doesn't buy their date the first drink even if they're going dutch! But, how ,if no two women (or men) are exactly the same can a man go to a date FULLY prepared. It should be no problem to pull out the chivalry,make yourself intersesting and maybe things lead to "come back to mine" but there the preperation falls down. Pushing the right buttons first time everytime would be like knowing everyones PIN number! Happy days. Never gonna happen. There is a language barrier. Venusian and Martian. Unless you're prepared to give us a little clue we're dead in the water. Someone once asked me "Which film Super Hero would you most like to be?" Easy, Mel Gibson in What Women Want. S x
Valid point anon, and believe me I am in no way suggesting that women are the same...or indeed men, the differences in all of us makes life more interesting!!!
Mine and Pootle's point is more about the laziness of some men who don't even consider or think that there is more to sex than 'wham bam thank you ma'am' or, dare I say it...the pride of their man hood. Look at this baby, aren't you pleased you slept with me...errr no, not really as you are asking.
Thankfully, most men and women are keen to learn and experiment with a new partner to discover what makes them tick, explode or giggle...but alas, there are many (and that includes women) who just assume that they always know what they are doing.
The translation of Venusian and mars is available...it is communication, and we all have the ability. Be honest and all will be revealed as it were...
But as I said if you can't even find your wallet to pay for a drink...it doesn't bode well does it?
Fortunately there are still some men who will make the effort. Usually the unassuming types. The ones who don't puff out their chests in a "me tarzan you jane" fashion. Keep looking, they're there! S x
http://www.orgasmarts.com/gspot-video/
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