No expectations...

"So what expectations are there?" Says J today to another work colleague.

I have just returned to the office and I walk into one of those conversations.

My colleague ponders for a while, "none to my mind."

I look at them both and plonk my bag down on the floor, "ok, what have I missed?" I can tell this is not about work by the way J is studying my colleague, she is asking for information that is definitely not work related.

"Oh, they are talking about the first date" says another colleague barely looking up from her computer.

"Oh..ok.." Now this could be useful information to me, so I sit down and settle in for the long haul. "Explain." Says J.

Our colleague A continues, "well, in my experience any girl I had sex with on the first date, I didn't stay with."

Oh...it is that conversation. I have no idea how this has come about, but being the nosey mare that I am, I am currently all ears...

"So do men, have an expectation on the first date?" Asks J again, keen to get to the bottom of the subject...as it were.

"Not if they are decent," I mutter, to no one in particular to be honest however R wants to say his piece too.

"I slept with my wife on the first date." He tells us, "no man will have less respect for a woman if you happen to have sex on a first date. Look what happened to me? I married her."

"Ah, but you married for money R, your wife is a consultant." Says the colleague who is still staring at the computer screen.

General nodding in agreement comes from all involved.

"Surely the point is that there are no expectations?" I say, "If both are decent people and with the right combination of fireworks, then of course it is entirely possible that the deed could be done on the first date...however to expect it then what sort of person does that make you?" Everyone looks at me and I fear I may be standing on my imperial leather soapbox and I sigh, "well, it is like the fifth date rule...that, to be fair, I have been reliably informed is more of a guideline. When there are no expectations, and you just meet and go with the flow and it feels right for both of you then fine...it is when you go out in search of that, and that only for one night that is the difference."

"I agree," says R. "But not about the fifth date rule, that is just romanticising it. Too Hollywood. Go with the flow..."

Another colleague has walked in at this time, and I ask him what he feels about the fifth date rule.

He shrugs, "no idea. Never got to a fifth date." Alas, none of us are surprised..

So once again, make the decision that is right at the time eh?

Expecting to have anything on a first date is just the wrong way to start it; having no expectations and realising that it is all about the first moment and seeing where it may or may not lead seems to be the most productive answer.

It appears to have satisfied J at least...for now.