Confidence...

One of the things on my list of things to do today was to purchase some Durex Playgel.

Alas not for me, but for a friend.

This friend, who is normally so confident in the rest of her life, (including her sex life) felt it was too much for her to walk into the pharmacy and purchase such an item without feeling mortally embarrased.

"I just can't do it," she confessed to me and another friend last night. "But I need it for the weekend."
"Just put it in your shopping," my other friend suggested, "Then it will go through with the rest of your things."
She shook her head, "I just can't. I even considered putting it through the self scanner, but then I was terrified it would come up as 'Authorisation Required', and the attendant would have to give approval."
Much laughter at the thought of this - can you tell we were drinking?

"Tell you what," Says my other friend again, "Just go to the local supermarket, buy 4 large carrots, 1 large cucumber, the Playgel and some toilet roll, and just leave it on the counter. Then when the assistant looks at you, just give a wink."
"Nooo," she says horrified while we laugh at her.
"Order it online?" I suggest.
"But I need it for tomorrow and it won't arrive in time."
We are clearly running out of options here.
"Ok," I say confidently, "I'll do it. I'll go to the pharmacist in the morning and get you some, which flavour?"
"God, will you?" She says relieved. "Any flavour, I don't care."

Heck I don't care if anyone thinks there is a chance I might be having sex, and to be honest the local pharmacist is a bit of a dude in his cowboy hat, so I don't think that there isn't much he hasn't seen in his life time.

So leaving the hobbits to play outside I nip into the local pharmacy in the hope that it's not too busy, or god forbid an elderly woman in the queue.

I am feeling a little less than brave after my confidence of last night, but in vain I search for the relevant product.  Nothing.
I have no choice but to ask.
Deep breath I go up to the counter, and whilst there is no one else in the queue (relief), there are two people behind the counter. A more mature woman shall we say, and the cool pharmacist in the cowboy hat.

"Hi, I wonder if you can help me? Do you sell Durex playgel?" I ask in my best couldn't give a damn voice.
"No." The woman almost shouts at me, however Mr Cowboy is a bit nicer, "Sorry, love, we don't sell it here," and he smiles. Well at least I made someone smile today.

So with hobbits in tow, we get in the car and go to the local supermarket; but of course now they want to come in with me don't they?

Now, some people will know that actually I am not that confident in some things that I do.So the fact that I am in here among the 'something for the weekend sir' section of the supermarkets well packed aisle, is quite interesting.

Yet again - the bloody thing seems elusive to my keen eye, and to be honest as I have no idea what I am actually looking for it is rather difficult to place. So, I have no choice but to ask the customer service assistant.

It's a man, and rather apologetically this time I ask him once again if they sell Durex Playgel.
"Hmmm..." he says, seeing and feeling my dilemma.
"It's for a friend," I stutter.
Needless to say he just looks at me.

We wander up the aisle a couple of times, however he can't find it either so goes off to ask someone else...OMG!!!

Finally we find it between us and there are a complete range of flavours to choose from.
"What are we buying?" Asks Spiderman
"Erm...cream." I state
"What sort of cream?" He pushes
"Face cream."
I hear the customer service guy suck in his breath audibly and wince. Yes, that would do it.

So the hobbits and I have a small conversation of which flavour to get and as there are three hobbits we choose three different flavours - however Strawberry does seem to have the most votes.

I can not quite believe that I am doing this with them.

Yet, I puff myself up and nonchalantly walk over to the self service till. If this needs bloody approval I will kill my friend.

The offending articles...

The hobbits are very helpful and scan said products and bag them for me, however one of them then sits on the weighing part and of course upsets the balance of the machine. The machine stops and won't let me pay, until an attendant approves the weight of the bag and the actual items.

I hate my friend now.

Thankfully, the attendant doesn't actually look in the bag and accepts my child/bag/weighing dilemma and approves it.

We are free.

There are just two things I consider as the hobbits and I walk back to the car, Superman swinging the bag happily;
1) Girlfriend, if you are reading this - you owe me a lot of babysitting.
and...
2) I scanned my supermarket loyalty card.