Angry...

Tonight I have had a meltdown.

I have cried in anger, shouted in haste and hung up the telephone in exasperation.

It is not a good emotion...but I confess it felt good at the time, and was long overdue.

I suppose anger is like any emotion, there are occasions that it rears its ugly head and to quash it would only cause more angst and distress.

Without going into too much detail I had got to the point where someone else's expectation of what I should do for them, has exceeded what I felt that I was no longer responsible for. I am tired of the demands, I am tired of the need and I got pissed off.

You'll be pleased to hear that no hobbit was harmed during this session of aggression, and no anger was directed at any hobbit. It was directed at my soon to be ex, and the complete and utter frustration of his inability to take control and grow some cojones.

Too much information?

Perhaps. But this is my blog, my diary and my way to vent.

What do I have to do to make him realise that actually I don't have to do anything for him anymore? I am no longer responsible. I don't have to help anymore. Why oh why can't he work things out for himself?  This of course, is the man who when he left asked me to book his flights as he couldn't do it!

I should expect no less really.

The trouble is, it actually goes against the grain for me not to help, but I don't want to anymore. I need to practice in the mirror saying a loud resounding, 'no'. It is no good for my health to continue in this way.

Does this make me into something that I am not?
A good friend of mine suggested, (in a nice way) that it is partly my fault. I have spent years making excuses for him, and years doing things for him so consequently he can not make any decisions himself, or find out any information for himself. But what sort of man does that make him?

How do I cut the ties so that he can go off and find his own path, without being a total and utter bitch?

The trouble is because of the frustration, a bitch is what I am becoming. I don't want to be, I never wanted to be...but anger keeps resurfacing, and he just doesn't get the message.