If only my dining room table could talk...the things it could tell you.
It really has been exposed to the elements of my life in the past year and to a degree it could probably write its own blog...
...now there's an idea...
When I think about my dining room table and its experience, I realise it has become a focal point for many an evenings entertainment; deep and meaningful conversations; tears and laughter; burping competitions; rave sessions; witnessed the passing of one beloved hamster, (god rest his soul) and much much more...
See what I mean? How many pieces of furniture in your home get that much attention? I almost feel guilty for leaving the oven out of the loop!
Other furniture in the house must talk about the dining room table behind its back (wherever that may be), and almost curse it's luck in always being in the right place at the right time and to witness some of the best memories and experiences that the coffee table and TV cupboard can only dream about........
Hmmm....ahem, my apologies...a wistful moment there...
So the most recent experience and conversation for my dining room table to get in on, is a tarot card reading by a very experienced medium and a conversation with an old friend about FWB.
Friends With Benefits.
Do you? Don't you? Have you...and the pitfalls...?
It was inspired by me watching the film 'Friends with Benefits', where the heroine did indeed get the Hollywood ending that us mere mortals can only dream about....
...aah the American Dream eh?
However, I consequently found myself having a conversation with my friend S about this...not that I was offering I hasten to add, but only in order to find out what other people do, or don't do.
"Have you? Ever?" I asked him.
He thought about it for a minute, so it was clearly not a recent thing, "yeah, I have bumped uglies with friends before."
Bumped uglies? Sounds distinctly unromantic to me but who am I to judge.
"And? Did you stay friends? Was it just the once or a long term thing?"
"Just the once with one friend, and a five week thing with another." He informed me, "stayed friends with both of them. You?"
Hmmm, I'm not sure I can really divulge my answer on here, however I will say that there is something odd about a 'friends with benefits' relationship. You have to have some sort of attraction to them in order to, erm...now what was it? Bump ulgies? However, there is something that is also telling you that this is not the person for you, and it is just satisfying a need.
Clearly there has to be rules.
It has to be totally clear to both parties. If one party feels that this is a way towards a committed relationship with the other then that is seriously dodgy ground. So how do you guarantee that someone won't fall for the other? Especially if it is something that happens more than once. Any good relationship starts off with a friendship and sex is the icing on the cake...so having sex with a friend surely dictates that it has potential to go on to something else. Especially if it's good sex.
Woman are normally more emotional than men with regards to sex. They see it as something with feeling, hence the reason we have to have some serious build up gents (take note), and I am not talking simply about foreplay. Most women have to feel emotion to have sex, (most) and yes, alas, the more emotions and feelings they have the better it is...because you are essentially giving yourself completely and wholly to someone else. Is that fair ladies?
Whereas men...let's be honest, just need the ball bag emptying.
Too harsh gents? Ok, maybe I am being too harsh, some of you feel that emotional pull too...but when it comes to friends with benefits it worries me that one of the two involved could get emotionally involved, whilst the other is still seeing it as an opportunity to let off some steam and have a cup of tea after work.
You can not stop emotions and feelings, you can't keep them in a box while you play out your latest fantasy while hanging from a chandelier or tied to a chair waiting for James Bond to rescue you - oops that let the cat out of the bag about what mine is!
So how do you safely start an FWB relationship?
I don't think it necessarily equates that you have to be a specific type of person, but more that you have to be in a specific state of mind. A state which says, I am not ready for commitment but I am ready for intimacy...and if you are really lucky a hot cuppa afterwards.
You also have to be lucky that you are both in the same state, so that no one is responsible for the hurt of another and after discussions with friends, my conclusion is that most FWB relationships are doomed. Someone nearly always gets hurt...and do we really want to take such a high risk bet?
'On the other hand,' said my dining room table as I turned out the light before going to bed that night, 'are there ever any guarantees in life?'
Wise words from one who knows.
2 comments:
On the subject of Friends with benefits the answer is in the title 'Friends', you have to have a strong friendship in the beginning which goes beyond just a physical attraction, then it doesn't matter if the benefits last for one night or one year the friendship still remains.
That sounds really nice in an ideal world, and I have been in situations where I would have been more than happy to remain as friends...(rather than completely losing that person) however, do you not think that once you have crossed that line of being intimate with someone, and feeling more than just friends, that it is hard to return to simply just a friendship?
When I, and other female friends have said 'we can still be friends', men tend to say no...perhaps it is a man thing? Is that a fair analogy Anon?
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