International spy...

We were just coming to the end of our chapter of Danny the Champion of the World tonight when Spider-Man asks me about men and women...

"Mummy? Some boys don't like girls." He says matter of factly.
"Ok..." I say preferring really that we finish the chapter of the book.
"Some boys like girls, and some don't. Why?" He continues.
I suppose that this conversation was bound to come up at some point, I just didn't expect it on a Wednesday evening at ten past eight, while reading Roald Dahl.
"Everyone is different," I tell him, "it is what is in here that is important." And I touch his chest. "If you like kissing a girl, that is ok." Spider-Man shakes his head vehemently.
"But if you like kissing boys, then that is ok too. It just depends on what you like and feel is the right thing to do." He shakes his head at this as well.
"You like kissing boys." He says laughing, and I can't help but laugh with him...hey, no point in denying it!

The truth is Spider-Man doesn't actually want to kiss anyone.
"Miss M at school dresses like a boy, but she is really a girl." He says
"That's true, and she is an amazing person isn't she?"
He nods, that, he agrees with. "She has a girlfriend."
"Then she is very lucky that someone loves her."
I start reading again, when he interrupts me, "Mummy?"
"Hmmmm."
"You don't have a husband or a boyfriend."
"No, I have something even better."
He looks at me waiting.
"Who do I have?" I ask him, and he shrugs. "Think." I say.
"Me?"
"And?"
"Superman and Batman."
"Exactly."

This makes my little Spider-Man very happy, but nevertheless he continues, which to be honest is a tad frustrating because I really am just enjoying the book. "You need a boyfriend."
"Ok."
"Someone who is kind."
"Anything else?"
"Someone who will look after us and guard us."
"Guard us? You mean someone who will protect us?"
"Yes, with a pistol."
"Anything else?" I was kind of thinking that maybe some more serious attributes may have come to his attention, but no.
"A walkie talkie."
"Ok..." I am slightly nervous about where this is going, however at least with a walkie talkie I assume I could speak to this fictitious boyfriend from his bedroom window to mine. "Anything else?"
"Yes, he should be a spy." He says with a big smile.
"Ah, I should have known. James Bond by any chance?" He nods, "I thought so."

So if anyone knows of a kind man, with a pistol who is happy to stand outside my house in some sort of guard pose and a walkie talkie in his belt, (just in case he needs a hot chocolate brought to him in the middle of the night I suppose) and also just happens to be an international spy, then tell him where we are. My son is looking for him.