Sunflowers...

One year ago today I made a monumental decsion. I told my husband that our relationship was over and that I could no longer continue as we were.

Due to the significance of today I bought myself some sunflowers; not to celebrate the anniversary, but more of a way of reminding myself of what I have achieved in this year, and recognising the strength I had in me to make that decision.

Someone told me today that they admired that decision. That they themselves were in an unhappy relationship and all they could do was talk about how unhappy the relationship made them, rather than actually doing something about it.

I never thought at the time that what I was doing was because I was a strong person, but more because what was happening in the house was more detrimental to the boys than going it alone could ever be. The atmosphere was constantly toxic, and now when they talk about it they still remember that mummy and daddy only ever argued.

That is not the way I want my children to remember their childhood in years to come.

As sad as it was, it was the right decision. I will probably make wrong decisions in time to come, god knows I have made a few over the last year, but essentially we are truly better off with being apart than we were together.

I hope that one day that he will find someone that doesn't argue with him, that loves him and cares for him in the way that he wants and that they can give. Because he deserves to be happy, and I didn't make him happy anymore.

My sunflowers that now sit on the side are significant to me, the hobbits have no idea why I have bought them. But I remember learning at the time how the sunflower turns its face to the sun, and these flowers made me feel that it was my turn to face the sun, and to feel the warmth of what the future held...rather than the coldness of the past.

My past year may not have gone exactly to plan, but any bumps in the road that I have travelled I have managed to drive over. We are not there yet...but we will get there.