A man called Dave...

My wedding anniversary passed me by recently. Unnoticed by anyone else except for me...and perhaps my ex-husband. The last three years have moved so quickly since our separation, and we now seem to have defined our new roles quite easily.

We now see the light the other side of the hurt and the anger and get on better than we have for years. It feels better. Life has moved on, and I see him as a friend now. Someone I can share the news of excitement or disaster in the family unit, without feeling judged.

I am lucky. I know I am. I know so many other couples who have separated and the hate, anger and distrust remains for years maybe forever. Thankfully in our family unit we have evolved and we now welcome Daddy's new girlfriend. I don't quite see myself picking out curtains with her, however she and I seem to have adjusted to take on a friendly stance and attitude towards each other. I get where she is coming from; taking on board a new boyfriend with three children and an ex-wife is a daunting prospect, so complete kudos to her. As for me, there has needed to be further elements of adjustment, however now I am just pleased and want to work towards our children accepting the extension of our family.

So consequently, whilst driving the other day, Superman felt the need to clarify the new roles...
"If Daddy and H get married, she will be our step mum."
"Yep," I respond waiting for it to tick over a little more in his mind.
"But can I still call her H, as I don't want to call her mum."
"Absolutely," I say, quietly chuffed.
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Well when you get married again..." (anxiety overwhelms me a little here but I recover quickly) "I won't call him Daddy."
"No, he wouldn't be your daddy would he?"
"No." He thinks again, "I think I'll call him Dave or David."
"Well that could be awkward."
"Why?"
"What if he is called Frank, or James? Calling him by a different name might look rude."
Giggles in response...

It is a tough one. Children have to be flexible and prepare themselves for the possibility that someone else may take the affection of their parents, struggling with the knowledge that this is more than likely to mean that their parents will never get back together.

It is a process that needs to happen, however what is recommended is that as always, communication is the key. Talk about the possibility you could start dating again, talk about hypothetical situations where Mummy, or Daddy, might have someone else in their life; and as hard as it is, try and encourage a relationship with your ex's new partner.

As I said I know I am lucky. I know others who have found themselves willing to forge a new relationship with the new desired choice of their ex, and unfortunately the new partner is difficult and makes this is incredibly hard. For everyone concerned.

Introducing a step parent takes time, patience and resilience, however in my house, if they are called Dave - they are already half way there.